Neil Spence - Yes Virginia, There Is A Santa Claus/ Little Boy Lost

novelty - Hola Music Lovers, Music іѕ а form оf art thаt involves organized аnd audible sounds аnd silence. It іѕ nоrmаllу expressed іn terms оf pitch (which includes melody аnd harmony), rhythm (which includes tempo аnd meter), аnd thе quality оf sound (which includes timbre, articulation, dynamics, аnd texture). Music mау аlѕо involve complex generative forms іn time thrоugh thе construction оf patterns аnd combinations оf natural stimuli, principally sound. Music mау bе uѕеd fоr artistic оr aesthetic, communicative, entertainment, оr ceremonial purposes. Thе definition оf whаt constitutes music varies ассоrdіng tо culture аnd social context.This Blog tell About novelty, Music is formulated or organized sound. Although it cannot contain emotions, it is sometimes designed to manipulate and transform the emotion of the listener/listeners. Music created for movies is a good example of its use to manipulate emotions. .

Label: Go

Year of Release: 1966

What kind of a human being would I be if I let Christmas slide past without a festive related upload? I know you all want it, and my conscience couldn't let me leave this little ditty to one side.

Neil Spence was, at this point in his career, a popular Radio London DJ working the lunchtime slot under the name Dave Dennis. "Dennis" was effectively a persona, a fast-talking banter merchant whose rapid-fire approach caused him to have the highest rated show - an unusual situation for any station, who would normally expect their stars to be found on the breakfast show. When you consider that Dennis was up against Kenny Everett and Dave Cash in that slot, this makes his achievements even more impressive.

In reality, though, Neil Spence was far from being a transatlantic styled flashman and was, in fact, a graduate of the Central School of Speech and Drama and a man with a past in repertory theatre. The character Dave Dennis was honed from listening to endless recordings of American jocks on the Dallas station KLIF, and his own natural style was rather more precise and formal. Kenny Everett got him to drop by on his show to read out the lyrics to the popular hits of the day in his repertory style, and it's possibly (though note, not definitely) that which may have been the background inspiration for this rather odd little single.

"Yes Virginia, There Is A Santa Claus" consists of Spence reading a poem inspired by the 1897 New York Sun editorial confirming the existence of Father Christmas, and places a sweet and mushy orchestral arrangement beneath it. If this was meant to be a joke, the meaning has been lost to the mists of time, so I suspect it's probably just something the staff at the tiny independent Go Records felt might be a hit. It wasn't, though it did climb to number 19 on Radio London's own chart (a fairly meaningless list which was compiled by the station's staff according to guesswork, favours and payola). While the approach may seem peculiar, it's worth noting that "The Sunscreen Song" in 1999 was simply a Chicago Tribune column set to music, so perhaps Spence was just ahead of his time.

I'm afraid to say that in my personal opinion, while this record is rare - and on an extremely collectible label - it's completely inessential. If I was being kind I would describe it as a "somewhat charming period piece", but it pipes up and fades out without really leaving much of an impression. It's a bizarre blip in the career of a man who was, it's safe to say, successful in broadcasting and the media otherwise.

After Radio London closed down in 1967, Spence worked for the BBC creating jingles, and continued his friendship with Kenny Everett who was also on Radio One at that time. From 1970 onwards he focussed more on his own business concerns, founding the major workplace radio station for United Biscuits and also worked as a broadcasting trainer, teaching numerous music radio DJs to successful careers, including Dale Winton, Jeremy Vine, James Whale and Adrian Love.

He passed away in 2007.

Label: Go

Year of Release: 1966

What kind of a human being would I be if I let Christmas slide past without a festive related upload? I know you all want it, and my conscience couldn't let me leave this little ditty to one side.

Neil Spence was, at this point in his career, a popular Radio London DJ working the lunchtime slot under the name Dave Dennis. "Dennis" was effectively a persona, a fast-talking banter merchant whose rapid-fire approach caused him to have the highest rated show - an unusual situation for any station, who would normally expect their stars to be found on the breakfast show. When you consider that Dennis was up against Kenny Everett and Dave Cash in that slot, this makes his achievements even more impressive.

In reality, though, Neil Spence was far from being a transatlantic styled flashman and was, in fact, a graduate of the Central School of Speech and Drama and a man with a past in repertory theatre. The character Dave Dennis was honed from listening to endless recordings of American jocks on the Dallas station KLIF, and his own natural style was rather more precise and formal. Kenny Everett got him to drop by on his show to read out the lyrics to the popular hits of the day in his repertory style, and it's possibly (though note, not definitely) that which may have been the background inspiration for this rather odd little single.

"Yes Virginia, There Is A Santa Claus" consists of Spence reading a poem inspired by the 1897 New York Sun editorial confirming the existence of Father Christmas, and places a sweet and mushy orchestral arrangement beneath it. If this was meant to be a joke, the meaning has been lost to the mists of time, so I suspect it's probably just something the staff at the tiny independent Go Records felt might be a hit. It wasn't, though it did climb to number 19 on Radio London's own chart (a fairly meaningless list which was compiled by the station's staff according to guesswork, favours and payola). While the approach may seem peculiar, it's worth noting that "The Sunscreen Song" in 1999 was simply a Chicago Tribune column set to music, so perhaps Spence was just ahead of his time.

I'm afraid to say that in my personal opinion, while this record is rare - and on an extremely collectible label - it's completely inessential. If I was being kind I would describe it as a "somewhat charming period piece", but it pipes up and fades out without really leaving much of an impression. It's a bizarre blip in the career of a man who was, it's safe to say, successful in broadcasting and the media otherwise.

After Radio London closed down in 1967, Spence worked for the BBC creating jingles, and continued his friendship with Kenny Everett who was also on Radio One at that time. From 1970 onwards he focussed more on his own business concerns, founding the major workplace radio station for United Biscuits and also worked as a broadcasting trainer, teaching numerous music radio DJs to successful careers, including Dale Winton, Jeremy Vine, James Whale and Adrian Love.

He passed away in 2007.

Edwina Biglet And The Miglets - Thing/ Vanessa's Luminous Dogcoat

novelty - Hola Music Lovers, Music іѕ а form оf art thаt involves organized аnd audible sounds аnd silence. It іѕ nоrmаllу expressed іn terms оf pitch (which includes melody аnd harmony), rhythm (which includes tempo аnd meter), аnd thе quality оf sound (which includes timbre, articulation, dynamics, аnd texture). Music mау аlѕо involve complex generative forms іn time thrоugh thе construction оf patterns аnd combinations оf natural stimuli, principally sound. Music mау bе uѕеd fоr artistic оr aesthetic, communicative, entertainment, оr ceremonial purposes. Thе definition оf whаt constitutes music varies ассоrdіng tо culture аnd social context.This Blog tell About novelty, Music is formulated or organized sound. Although it cannot contain emotions, it is sometimes designed to manipulate and transform the emotion of the listener/listeners. Music created for movies is a good example of its use to manipulate emotions. .

Label: RCA

Year of Release: 1972

Nothing causes me to gravitate to a flop record more than a completely ridiculous group name, and if the song titles are off-the-wall as well, then my money is as good as yours (provided, of course, we're not talking excessive amounts. I'm not that stupid). Edwina Biglet and The Miglets is arguably as stupid a name as seventies glam rock ever spawned, and for that at least we have to salute the individuals involved.

More than that, though, "Thing" is is a chirpy Moog-infested track about... er... well, it's not really clear exactly what it's about, actually, and I doubt if you asked anyone involved they'd be able to tell you either. The intro promises an utter proto-techno noisefest, but it quickly calms down and establishes itself as something altogether more vacant and silly. The lyrics seem to involve various characters with different English accents bragging about a "thing" they own. It could be sexual innuendo at work, but the descriptions given defy logic and reason, as the "thing" is described with electronic squelches, buzzes and bleeps. It lights up, it's fun to play with, people think it should be banned, and your guess is as good as mine. 

More appealing to Moogheads out there is probably the B-side, "Vanessa's Luminous Dogcoat", an almost groovy jam which, had it been released by some obscure French artist would probably be commanding insane money on eBay now. As it stands, we're left with a record that neither charted - despite receiving modest amounts of airplay - nor really holds its head high in the collector's market, which given the double-sided oddness on offer seems a bit unjust. It won't be the best single you hear all year, but there's something irrepressibly charming about it. 

The complete details of who Edwina Biglet and The Miglets are isn't easy to find, but the lead singer Edwina dropped by on 45cat a number of years ago to reveal that her real name is Vanessa, and that the B-side was named after an actual jacket she knitted her greyhound. So at least we know something. If anyone has any additional information, please let me know. In a parallel universe somewhere, I'm sure this record was probably an extraordinarily irritating and huge hit. 

Label: RCA

Year of Release: 1972

Nothing causes me to gravitate to a flop record more than a completely ridiculous group name, and if the song titles are off-the-wall as well, then my money is as good as yours (provided, of course, we're not talking excessive amounts. I'm not that stupid). Edwina Biglet and The Miglets is arguably as stupid a name as seventies glam rock ever spawned, and for that at least we have to salute the individuals involved.

More than that, though, "Thing" is is a chirpy Moog-infested track about... er... well, it's not really clear exactly what it's about, actually, and I doubt if you asked anyone involved they'd be able to tell you either. The intro promises an utter proto-techno noisefest, but it quickly calms down and establishes itself as something altogether more vacant and silly. The lyrics seem to involve various characters with different English accents bragging about a "thing" they own. It could be sexual innuendo at work, but the descriptions given defy logic and reason, as the "thing" is described with electronic squelches, buzzes and bleeps. It lights up, it's fun to play with, people think it should be banned, and your guess is as good as mine. 

More appealing to Moogheads out there is probably the B-side, "Vanessa's Luminous Dogcoat", an almost groovy jam which, had it been released by some obscure French artist would probably be commanding insane money on eBay now. As it stands, we're left with a record that neither charted - despite receiving modest amounts of airplay - nor really holds its head high in the collector's market, which given the double-sided oddness on offer seems a bit unjust. It won't be the best single you hear all year, but there's something irrepressibly charming about it. 

The complete details of who Edwina Biglet and The Miglets are isn't easy to find, but the lead singer Edwina dropped by on 45cat a number of years ago to reveal that her real name is Vanessa, and that the B-side was named after an actual jacket she knitted her greyhound. So at least we know something. If anyone has any additional information, please let me know. In a parallel universe somewhere, I'm sure this record was probably an extraordinarily irritating and huge hit. 

Second Hand Record Dip Part 75 - Cirrus - Rollin' On

novelty - Hola Music Lovers, Music іѕ а form оf art thаt involves organized аnd audible sounds аnd silence. It іѕ nоrmаllу expressed іn terms оf pitch (which includes melody аnd harmony), rhythm (which includes tempo аnd meter), аnd thе quality оf sound (which includes timbre, articulation, dynamics, аnd texture). Music mау аlѕо involve complex generative forms іn time thrоugh thе construction оf patterns аnd combinations оf natural stimuli, principally sound. Music mау bе uѕеd fоr artistic оr aesthetic, communicative, entertainment, оr ceremonial purposes. Thе definition оf whаt constitutes music varies ассоrdіng tо culture аnd social context.This Blog tell About novelty, Music is formulated or organized sound. Although it cannot contain emotions, it is sometimes designed to manipulate and transform the emotion of the listener/listeners. Music created for movies is a good example of its use to manipulate emotions. .

Who: Cirrus
What: Rollin' On
Label: Jet
When: 1978
Where: Wood Street Market, Walthamstow, London
Cost: 50p

Ah, chocolate for men! Where were we in the days before we had chocolate for men, eh lads? In the seventies, if you were a bloke and you wanted a chocolate bar, you had to buy Dairy Milk and end up looking like a lady in public or (as one astute YouTube commenter puts it) "a bit like Larry Grayson". Dairy Milk and Galaxy, delicious though they are, were for men of suspicious inclinations. And as no self-respecting gentleman would ever want such an image, we had to resort to stealing bars from petrol stations, eating them in the middle of the night for fear that our lady-wives and lovers would catch us, and even hiding it in the Garden Shed underneath the biggest saw we could find. Put it this way, it wasn't much of a life.

Thank God for Rowntrees, then, who put an end to the whole dilemma by producing a low quality, manly chocolate bar all chaps could enjoy without fear of criticism. "Yorkie" (also slang for "Yorkshire Terrier", which as we know isn't an especially masculine dog - I'm stunned they got away with that one) was launched with adverts including a butch, confident truck driver slowly eating the large sized bricks of the stuff with an expression somewhere between smug self-satisfaction and sexual ambition. However hackneyed and silly this idea seems now, it worked a charm in the seventies, and propelled the bar up the best-selling chocolate charts - this despite the fact that it's among the shoddiest commercial chocolate I've ever wrapped my tongue around.

The tune from the advert was clearly popular enough that Jet Records thought it could be a hit single. They were wrong, obviously, and even the aid of this novelty chocolate bar shaped and coloured record didn't help matters. It's pure cod-Country and Western, all twangs and mock American accents, and frankly sounds like a right load of old cobblers. For just a few minutes, though, you could imagine you were the gentleman in the track, that confident, swaggering brute with only miles of road ahead and loads of chocolate on your mind, and as a fetching bonus you got a peculiarly shaped disc for your record collection into the bargain.

This entry is also almost topical in that one of the lorry driving men Stuart Mungall was recently sent to prison after committing euthanasia on his wife. "Left and to the Back" isn't really the place to comment about such complex social issues, but it's such an enormous elephant in the room that I didn't think I could let the entry finish without mentioning it.

Who: Cirrus
What: Rollin' On
Label: Jet
When: 1978
Where: Wood Street Market, Walthamstow, London
Cost: 50p

Ah, chocolate for men! Where were we in the days before we had chocolate for men, eh lads? In the seventies, if you were a bloke and you wanted a chocolate bar, you had to buy Dairy Milk and end up looking like a lady in public or (as one astute YouTube commenter puts it) "a bit like Larry Grayson". Dairy Milk and Galaxy, delicious though they are, were for men of suspicious inclinations. And as no self-respecting gentleman would ever want such an image, we had to resort to stealing bars from petrol stations, eating them in the middle of the night for fear that our lady-wives and lovers would catch us, and even hiding it in the Garden Shed underneath the biggest saw we could find. Put it this way, it wasn't much of a life.

Thank God for Rowntrees, then, who put an end to the whole dilemma by producing a low quality, manly chocolate bar all chaps could enjoy without fear of criticism. "Yorkie" (also slang for "Yorkshire Terrier", which as we know isn't an especially masculine dog - I'm stunned they got away with that one) was launched with adverts including a butch, confident truck driver slowly eating the large sized bricks of the stuff with an expression somewhere between smug self-satisfaction and sexual ambition. However hackneyed and silly this idea seems now, it worked a charm in the seventies, and propelled the bar up the best-selling chocolate charts - this despite the fact that it's among the shoddiest commercial chocolate I've ever wrapped my tongue around.

The tune from the advert was clearly popular enough that Jet Records thought it could be a hit single. They were wrong, obviously, and even the aid of this novelty chocolate bar shaped and coloured record didn't help matters. It's pure cod-Country and Western, all twangs and mock American accents, and frankly sounds like a right load of old cobblers. For just a few minutes, though, you could imagine you were the gentleman in the track, that confident, swaggering brute with only miles of road ahead and loads of chocolate on your mind, and as a fetching bonus you got a peculiarly shaped disc for your record collection into the bargain.

This entry is also almost topical in that one of the lorry driving men Stuart Mungall was recently sent to prison after committing euthanasia on his wife. "Left and to the Back" isn't really the place to comment about such complex social issues, but it's such an enormous elephant in the room that I didn't think I could let the entry finish without mentioning it.

Fred Walking-Stick - Well I Ask YEW!

novelty - Hola Music Lovers, Music іѕ а form оf art thаt involves organized аnd audible sounds аnd silence. It іѕ nоrmаllу expressed іn terms оf pitch (which includes melody аnd harmony), rhythm (which includes tempo аnd meter), аnd thе quality оf sound (which includes timbre, articulation, dynamics, аnd texture). Music mау аlѕо involve complex generative forms іn time thrоugh thе construction оf patterns аnd combinations оf natural stimuli, principally sound. Music mау bе uѕеd fоr artistic оr aesthetic, communicative, entertainment, оr ceremonial purposes. Thе definition оf whаt constitutes music varies ассоrdіng tо culture аnd social context.This Blog tell About novelty, Music is formulated or organized sound. Although it cannot contain emotions, it is sometimes designed to manipulate and transform the emotion of the listener/listeners. Music created for movies is a good example of its use to manipulate emotions. .

Label: Pye
Year of Release: 1961

There is a general belief that the Bonzo Dog Band were the first artists to parody the polite English absurdity of the old homegrown shellac sounds, and you can fully understand how that viewpoint has become the accepted one - there really wasn't anyone prior to the Bonzos who had any great commercial visibility taking on peculiar dance records like "I'm Gonna Bring A Watermelon To My Gal Tonight".

Here, however, is a very rare flop example of somebody not only doing a very neat parody of that era, but also beating the likes of Mike Flowers and Richard Cheese to the punch by a fair 35 years with an easy listening version of a rock and roll record. Eden Kane's "Well I Ask You" sounds rather ordinary and wet by modern standards, but at the time Kane's Elvis styled vocalising and swagger seemed rather daring and modern. What better way to deflate that unspeakable arrogance than with a polite English version, complete with lyrics referring to the lady's rejection as being "a beastly thing to do"? I can't think of one. "Naughty, naughty, naughty you", sings Fred with the minimum of emotion to the sound of a restrained and reedy brass section, and you can't help but think that whilst some of the humour within the grooves of this record has been lost by the present-day irrelevance of Eden Kane, the approach itself is actually the first vinyl instance of an ironic easy version of a rock song. There may be others - and I would be very interested to hear from somebody if there are - but the approach here proves that some jokes are older than you'd think.

The identity of Fred Walking-Stick is a complete mystery. Peter Sellers had apparently referred to Eden Kane as "Fred Walking-Stick" before this record came out, and this has led to some speculation that it may be him behind this record - but if so, that fact has bypassed numerous Sellers biographers, and above all else the disc fails to appear on his contractual home of Parlophone Records. It seems far more likely that Fred was a Sellers fan with a similar keen ear for the joy of musical parody. Had this record been a hit we might have heard more about the man behind the pseudonym. As an extremely obscure flop, however, it's likely to remain a riddle unless (or until) somebody comments to put me straight.

The B-side is a version of "Ain't She Sweet" by Brother Jim Walking-Stick, and no, I don't know who he is either.

Label: Pye
Year of Release: 1961

There is a general belief that the Bonzo Dog Band were the first artists to parody the polite English absurdity of the old homegrown shellac sounds, and you can fully understand how that viewpoint has become the accepted one - there really wasn't anyone prior to the Bonzos who had any great commercial visibility taking on peculiar dance records like "I'm Gonna Bring A Watermelon To My Gal Tonight".

Here, however, is a very rare flop example of somebody not only doing a very neat parody of that era, but also beating the likes of Mike Flowers and Richard Cheese to the punch by a fair 35 years with an easy listening version of a rock and roll record. Eden Kane's "Well I Ask You" sounds rather ordinary and wet by modern standards, but at the time Kane's Elvis styled vocalising and swagger seemed rather daring and modern. What better way to deflate that unspeakable arrogance than with a polite English version, complete with lyrics referring to the lady's rejection as being "a beastly thing to do"? I can't think of one. "Naughty, naughty, naughty you", sings Fred with the minimum of emotion to the sound of a restrained and reedy brass section, and you can't help but think that whilst some of the humour within the grooves of this record has been lost by the present-day irrelevance of Eden Kane, the approach itself is actually the first vinyl instance of an ironic easy version of a rock song. There may be others - and I would be very interested to hear from somebody if there are - but the approach here proves that some jokes are older than you'd think.

The identity of Fred Walking-Stick is a complete mystery. Peter Sellers had apparently referred to Eden Kane as "Fred Walking-Stick" before this record came out, and this has led to some speculation that it may be him behind this record - but if so, that fact has bypassed numerous Sellers biographers, and above all else the disc fails to appear on his contractual home of Parlophone Records. It seems far more likely that Fred was a Sellers fan with a similar keen ear for the joy of musical parody. Had this record been a hit we might have heard more about the man behind the pseudonym. As an extremely obscure flop, however, it's likely to remain a riddle unless (or until) somebody comments to put me straight.

The B-side is a version of "Ain't She Sweet" by Brother Jim Walking-Stick, and no, I don't know who he is either.

Reupload - Idi Amin - Amazin' Man

novelty - Hola Music Lovers, Music іѕ а form оf art thаt involves organized аnd audible sounds аnd silence. It іѕ nоrmаllу expressed іn terms оf pitch (which includes melody аnd harmony), rhythm (which includes tempo аnd meter), аnd thе quality оf sound (which includes timbre, articulation, dynamics, аnd texture). Music mау аlѕо involve complex generative forms іn time thrоugh thе construction оf patterns аnd combinations оf natural stimuli, principally sound. Music mау bе uѕеd fоr artistic оr aesthetic, communicative, entertainment, оr ceremonial purposes. Thе definition оf whаt constitutes music varies ассоrdіng tо culture аnd social context.This Blog tell About novelty, Music is formulated or organized sound. Although it cannot contain emotions, it is sometimes designed to manipulate and transform the emotion of the listener/listeners. Music created for movies is a good example of its use to manipulate emotions. .



Label: Transatlantic
Year of Release: 1975

Now, if there's one thing Laibach, Bob Geldof and I seem to agree on - and I'd be willing to wager if you put us all in a room together it would be the only thing we all agree on - it's the fact that a great many dictators behave uncannily like rock stars, who use the same art school imagery, symbolism and sweeping universal statements that some of history's biggest murderers have also indulged in. In fact, the one reason rock stars will never seem like anything more than slightly comedic figures is the fact that their use of arthole imagery for populist means, and their stadium rallies, and their fist-punching power gestures don't really amount to much more than a foot-stomping barn-storming session down at the Hammersmith Palais (and perhaps the odd sacked keyboard player here and there). Picture Bono with a machine gun in control of a Third World state, though, and suddenly the imagery seems slightly horrific. In fact, one reason why I've never been too convinced that Tony Blair was actually, genuinely Evil is that he looks so damned unconvincing with a guitar. If you'd given Idi Amin an instrument, he'd have looked like he was born with the thing. Tony Blair just looked slightly ashamed and apologetic.

Of course, this isn't genuinely Idi Amin on this single, even though when I first picked up the disc I actually thought for a split second it might be. It is in fact satirist John Bird pretending to be Idi Amin, but still sending the single out under the ruthless dictator's name anyway (Hey, what was he gonna do? Sue for defamation?) Bird cooks up a mean groove as the frontman to this single, explaining his philosophy to win the public over with the power of populist song, and getting up to all sorts of backing vocalist sacking mayhem on the way. It would spoil the joke if I revealed the outcome of the record at this point.

The B-side, on the other hand, is purely a spoken word side outlining Amin's problems with the ladies. Both form part of the "Broadcasts of Idi Amin" album that Bird put out, after his Private Eye columns and offshoots on the same topic proved so popular that Transatlantic Records clearly thought there was an entire album's worth to be appreciated by the public.

Why Bird or Private Eye or Transatlantic Records stopped there I'll never know. This is surely under-explored territory, and whole albums by Kim Jong-il, for example, would be worthy additions to anyone's collection. You could simply file the vinyl next to Phil Spector's Christmas albums and have done with it. In fact, a cover of "Amazin' Man" by somebody pretending to be Phil Spector would be immensely topical at the moment....

Update: Except it wouldn't any more, obviously. This entry was originally posted in April 2009 and to this day remains one of the most unusual records I've presented on here, and God knows it's had some competition. I'm still waiting for Bono's military coup, by the way.

Label: Transatlantic
Year of Release: 1975

Now, if there's one thing Laibach, Bob Geldof and I seem to agree on - and I'd be willing to wager if you put us all in a room together it would be the only thing we all agree on - it's the fact that a great many dictators behave uncannily like rock stars, who use the same art school imagery, symbolism and sweeping universal statements that some of history's biggest murderers have also indulged in. In fact, the one reason rock stars will never seem like anything more than slightly comedic figures is the fact that their use of arthole imagery for populist means, and their stadium rallies, and their fist-punching power gestures don't really amount to much more than a foot-stomping barn-storming session down at the Hammersmith Palais (and perhaps the odd sacked keyboard player here and there). Picture Bono with a machine gun in control of a Third World state, though, and suddenly the imagery seems slightly horrific. In fact, one reason why I've never been too convinced that Tony Blair was actually, genuinely Evil is that he looks so damned unconvincing with a guitar. If you'd given Idi Amin an instrument, he'd have looked like he was born with the thing. Tony Blair just looked slightly ashamed and apologetic.

Of course, this isn't genuinely Idi Amin on this single, even though when I first picked up the disc I actually thought for a split second it might be. It is in fact satirist John Bird pretending to be Idi Amin, but still sending the single out under the ruthless dictator's name anyway (Hey, what was he gonna do? Sue for defamation?) Bird cooks up a mean groove as the frontman to this single, explaining his philosophy to win the public over with the power of populist song, and getting up to all sorts of backing vocalist sacking mayhem on the way. It would spoil the joke if I revealed the outcome of the record at this point.

The B-side, on the other hand, is purely a spoken word side outlining Amin's problems with the ladies. Both form part of the "Broadcasts of Idi Amin" album that Bird put out, after his Private Eye columns and offshoots on the same topic proved so popular that Transatlantic Records clearly thought there was an entire album's worth to be appreciated by the public.

Why Bird or Private Eye or Transatlantic Records stopped there I'll never know. This is surely under-explored territory, and whole albums by Kim Jong-il, for example, would be worthy additions to anyone's collection. You could simply file the vinyl next to Phil Spector's Christmas albums and have done with it. In fact, a cover of "Amazin' Man" by somebody pretending to be Phil Spector would be immensely topical at the moment....

Update: Except it wouldn't any more, obviously. This entry was originally posted in April 2009 and to this day remains one of the most unusual records I've presented on here, and God knows it's had some competition. I'm still waiting for Bono's military coup, by the way.

Second Hand Record Dip Part 74 - Mr Food - And That's Before Me Tea!

novelty - Hola Music Lovers, Music іѕ а form оf art thаt involves organized аnd audible sounds аnd silence. It іѕ nоrmаllу expressed іn terms оf pitch (which includes melody аnd harmony), rhythm (which includes tempo аnd meter), аnd thе quality оf sound (which includes timbre, articulation, dynamics, аnd texture). Music mау аlѕо involve complex generative forms іn time thrоugh thе construction оf patterns аnd combinations оf natural stimuli, principally sound. Music mау bе uѕеd fоr artistic оr aesthetic, communicative, entertainment, оr ceremonial purposes. Thе definition оf whаt constitutes music varies ассоrdіng tо culture аnd social context.This Blog tell About novelty, Music is formulated or organized sound. Although it cannot contain emotions, it is sometimes designed to manipulate and transform the emotion of the listener/listeners. Music created for movies is a good example of its use to manipulate emotions. .

Who: Mr. Food
What: "...and that's before me tea!"
Label: Tangible
When: 1990
Where: Wood Street Market, Walthamstow, London
Cost: 50p

It's been over three months since the last "Second Hand Record Dip" entry, such a long gap in the service that I feel almost obliged to remind you all of what the hell the concept actually is. Essentially, it involves a dig into the remaindered section you find in the second hand record store, the unloved vinyl that gets tossed into the plastic crates on the floor near the back (or, in particularly uncared for cases, on the pavement outside) for the passing cheapskate to contemplate whilst on their bended knees praying for budget miracles. I've had some fantastic finds in the 50p box before now, but SHRD doesn't focus on the gems but the oddities - the flotsam and jetsam that may have stayed there forever had not somebody with a blog to write passed by.

Ex-BBC Radio One DJ Steve Wright has already cropped up in this section of the blog, and it's frankly no surprise to find him getting mentioned again. In the great musical box of fireworks, Wrighty has always been responsible for the fast-burning ones which do little more than make a few farting noises, mostly to the amusement of the assembled children and grandparents. Even his hit and near-hit singles remain largely forgotten by the General Public and are certainly no longer commercially available. Like slumber parties and roller discos, his melodic output does not appeal once you reach adulthood (One possible exception might be his effort under the name of Arnee and the Terminaters, whose single managed to prophesise the career of Scooter, so now is amusing for reasons entirely separate to the ones he originally intended).

So then, I'd stopped listening to Steve Wright's show by the time the jingle this single was based on begun to air on his show, having developed what I thought was a more grown-up interest in moodily listening to indie bands, and have no idea what the hell the context of it was - although context meant very little to our Steve, so it's safe to say this was probably played endlessly for the hell of it. It consists of a Geordie character known only as Mr Food delivering a Pam Ayers-esque series of lyrics about how much he enjoys eating over a basic, jaunty piano backdrop. And that really is it. The title of the single itself is the punchline to the joke, so that's out of the bag before the needle even hits the groove. It's the kind of thing you hear at open mic nights up and down the country when a musical comedy act takes the stage after being encouraged by their well-meaning friends, delivers a ditty to polite laughter, then promptly naffs off never to be seen again. With Wrighty's help, however, this managed a staggering number 62 position in the charts, hardly a life-changing triumph for anyone concerned, but certainly more than most indie-distributed discs of the era could hope for.

This record probably wouldn't be worthy of further mention were it not for the fact that the gentleman behind the mask of Mr Food, David Sanderson, went on to craft several pastoral neo-psychedelic pop songs under the name of Flowerbed, and his efforts can be found here. When he wasn't titting around with Steve Wright and The Afternoon Boys, clearly he was taking the time to study his Lilac Time and XTC albums closely. Sanderson is also a contemporary classical music composer who has had his work performed at several major concert halls in Britain and abroad, and if you honestly expected this entry to end in such a manner, you're far more wised up than I was when I began to research the man behind the disguise. Sometimes even these ridiculous chance finds can lead to interesting places.

For those of you wondering what was on the flip side to this, by the way - because I know at least one person will be - it appears to be exactly the same song all over again in the guise of a "remix". A mis-press or satire? You be the judge. And while you're sitting thinking about that, there's a low quality copy of the promo video to watch over on YouTube.

Who: Mr. Food
What: "...and that's before me tea!"
Label: Tangible
When: 1990
Where: Wood Street Market, Walthamstow, London
Cost: 50p

It's been over three months since the last "Second Hand Record Dip" entry, such a long gap in the service that I feel almost obliged to remind you all of what the hell the concept actually is. Essentially, it involves a dig into the remaindered section you find in the second hand record store, the unloved vinyl that gets tossed into the plastic crates on the floor near the back (or, in particularly uncared for cases, on the pavement outside) for the passing cheapskate to contemplate whilst on their bended knees praying for budget miracles. I've had some fantastic finds in the 50p box before now, but SHRD doesn't focus on the gems but the oddities - the flotsam and jetsam that may have stayed there forever had not somebody with a blog to write passed by.

Ex-BBC Radio One DJ Steve Wright has already cropped up in this section of the blog, and it's frankly no surprise to find him getting mentioned again. In the great musical box of fireworks, Wrighty has always been responsible for the fast-burning ones which do little more than make a few farting noises, mostly to the amusement of the assembled children and grandparents. Even his hit and near-hit singles remain largely forgotten by the General Public and are certainly no longer commercially available. Like slumber parties and roller discos, his melodic output does not appeal once you reach adulthood (One possible exception might be his effort under the name of Arnee and the Terminaters, whose single managed to prophesise the career of Scooter, so now is amusing for reasons entirely separate to the ones he originally intended).

So then, I'd stopped listening to Steve Wright's show by the time the jingle this single was based on begun to air on his show, having developed what I thought was a more grown-up interest in moodily listening to indie bands, and have no idea what the hell the context of it was - although context meant very little to our Steve, so it's safe to say this was probably played endlessly for the hell of it. It consists of a Geordie character known only as Mr Food delivering a Pam Ayers-esque series of lyrics about how much he enjoys eating over a basic, jaunty piano backdrop. And that really is it. The title of the single itself is the punchline to the joke, so that's out of the bag before the needle even hits the groove. It's the kind of thing you hear at open mic nights up and down the country when a musical comedy act takes the stage after being encouraged by their well-meaning friends, delivers a ditty to polite laughter, then promptly naffs off never to be seen again. With Wrighty's help, however, this managed a staggering number 62 position in the charts, hardly a life-changing triumph for anyone concerned, but certainly more than most indie-distributed discs of the era could hope for.

This record probably wouldn't be worthy of further mention were it not for the fact that the gentleman behind the mask of Mr Food, David Sanderson, went on to craft several pastoral neo-psychedelic pop songs under the name of Flowerbed, and his efforts can be found here. When he wasn't titting around with Steve Wright and The Afternoon Boys, clearly he was taking the time to study his Lilac Time and XTC albums closely. Sanderson is also a contemporary classical music composer who has had his work performed at several major concert halls in Britain and abroad, and if you honestly expected this entry to end in such a manner, you're far more wised up than I was when I began to research the man behind the disguise. Sometimes even these ridiculous chance finds can lead to interesting places.

For those of you wondering what was on the flip side to this, by the way - because I know at least one person will be - it appears to be exactly the same song all over again in the guise of a "remix". A mis-press or satire? You be the judge. And while you're sitting thinking about that, there's a low quality copy of the promo video to watch over on YouTube.

Dave Allen - The Good Earth/ A Way Of Life

novelty - Hola Music Lovers, Music іѕ а form оf art thаt involves organized аnd audible sounds аnd silence. It іѕ nоrmаllу expressed іn terms оf pitch (which includes melody аnd harmony), rhythm (which includes tempo аnd meter), аnd thе quality оf sound (which includes timbre, articulation, dynamics, аnd texture). Music mау аlѕо involve complex generative forms іn time thrоugh thе construction оf patterns аnd combinations оf natural stimuli, principally sound. Music mау bе uѕеd fоr artistic оr aesthetic, communicative, entertainment, оr ceremonial purposes. Thе definition оf whаt constitutes music varies ассоrdіng tо culture аnd social context.This Blog tell About novelty, Music is formulated or organized sound. Although it cannot contain emotions, it is sometimes designed to manipulate and transform the emotion of the listener/listeners. Music created for movies is a good example of its use to manipulate emotions. .

Label: Philips
Year of Release: 1969

A few entries back when we discussed Alexei Sayle's hit single, I (possibly unnecessarily) listed many of the comedians who - for better or worse - had issued vinyl from the fifties onwards. I neglected to mention Irish comedian Dave Allen, whose sole 45 is possibly one of the most unlikely releases there's ever been.

Before we really get stuck into the contents of this disc, it's worth me getting on my soapbox and arguing that I genuinely regard Allen to be a legend. His lengthy television career from the sixties to the nineties is a testament to his surprisingly broad appeal, but what's less appreciated in some quarters is quite how revolutionary he was in his own understated way. Way before Ben Elton steamed in with his "bit of politics", Allen weaved tales of hypocrisy in the church, lampooned authority figures and generally (and perhaps most successfully) highlighted the absurdities of human life. Allen certainly traded on grouchiness and his material frequently landed him in trouble, but unlike many comedians with an axe to grind, there was a warmth to his story-telling which still seems unique today. His sign-off line to audiences everywhere was "Goodnight, thank you, and may your God go with you", an entirely non-cynical and utterly ecumenical statement which, despite my lack of belief in a "God" as such, I can't help but find touching.

So perhaps it shouldn't be too surprising that a comedian choosing to sign off his shows in such a giving way released this record, in which he appears to read soft but slightly weary poetry to the accompaniment of an orchestral backing. "The Good Earth", despite its rather sentimental leanings, manages to sum up Allen's personality rather well, using an astronaut looking down upon the planet as its focus, then signing off with the resigned statement: "Why can't we be good on the Good Earth?" The wonder of space travel may seem like a rather corny focus for such a thought in the present day, but in 1969 this was doubtless a very modern, contemporary message.

The B-side "A Way Of Life" is actually more absurd still, being akin to "The Sunscreen Song" long before that God-foresaken record was ever issued. To the accompaniment of "Greensleeves", Allen advises all his listeners on the best ways to approach life, offering gems such as "Listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant - they too have their story" and "For all that is sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a very beautiful world". It's easy to laugh for all the wrong reasons at such a record, but maybe this was the closest we got to the softer side of Allen, almost - although not quite - uninterrupted by thoughts about the planet's aggressive absurdities. And whilst neither side of this record would ever be likely to win the Forward Prize for Poetry, it means well without being nauseating.

It wasn't a hit, but when a Radio Two DJ played the record again in the nineties and asked in a rather perplexed manner why Allen put it out, he was unembarrassed and unrepentant, stating simply that he just saw it as a good opportunity to put some spoken word material with a message he happened to like to music. Of all the novelty or spin-off singles I've ever uploaded, this one feels the least like a cash-in, and certainly among the least likely to ever actually stand a hope of charting. I, for one, believe his version of events.

Label: Philips
Year of Release: 1969

A few entries back when we discussed Alexei Sayle's hit single, I (possibly unnecessarily) listed many of the comedians who - for better or worse - had issued vinyl from the fifties onwards. I neglected to mention Irish comedian Dave Allen, whose sole 45 is possibly one of the most unlikely releases there's ever been.

Before we really get stuck into the contents of this disc, it's worth me getting on my soapbox and arguing that I genuinely regard Allen to be a legend. His lengthy television career from the sixties to the nineties is a testament to his surprisingly broad appeal, but what's less appreciated in some quarters is quite how revolutionary he was in his own understated way. Way before Ben Elton steamed in with his "bit of politics", Allen weaved tales of hypocrisy in the church, lampooned authority figures and generally (and perhaps most successfully) highlighted the absurdities of human life. Allen certainly traded on grouchiness and his material frequently landed him in trouble, but unlike many comedians with an axe to grind, there was a warmth to his story-telling which still seems unique today. His sign-off line to audiences everywhere was "Goodnight, thank you, and may your God go with you", an entirely non-cynical and utterly ecumenical statement which, despite my lack of belief in a "God" as such, I can't help but find touching.

So perhaps it shouldn't be too surprising that a comedian choosing to sign off his shows in such a giving way released this record, in which he appears to read soft but slightly weary poetry to the accompaniment of an orchestral backing. "The Good Earth", despite its rather sentimental leanings, manages to sum up Allen's personality rather well, using an astronaut looking down upon the planet as its focus, then signing off with the resigned statement: "Why can't we be good on the Good Earth?" The wonder of space travel may seem like a rather corny focus for such a thought in the present day, but in 1969 this was doubtless a very modern, contemporary message.

The B-side "A Way Of Life" is actually more absurd still, being akin to "The Sunscreen Song" long before that God-foresaken record was ever issued. To the accompaniment of "Greensleeves", Allen advises all his listeners on the best ways to approach life, offering gems such as "Listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant - they too have their story" and "For all that is sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a very beautiful world". It's easy to laugh for all the wrong reasons at such a record, but maybe this was the closest we got to the softer side of Allen, almost - although not quite - uninterrupted by thoughts about the planet's aggressive absurdities. And whilst neither side of this record would ever be likely to win the Forward Prize for Poetry, it means well without being nauseating.

It wasn't a hit, but when a Radio Two DJ played the record again in the nineties and asked in a rather perplexed manner why Allen put it out, he was unembarrassed and unrepentant, stating simply that he just saw it as a good opportunity to put some spoken word material with a message he happened to like to music. Of all the novelty or spin-off singles I've ever uploaded, this one feels the least like a cash-in, and certainly among the least likely to ever actually stand a hope of charting. I, for one, believe his version of events.

One Hit Wonders #20 - Alexei Sayle - Ullo John Gotta New Motor?

novelty - Hola Music Lovers, Music іѕ а form оf art thаt involves organized аnd audible sounds аnd silence. It іѕ nоrmаllу expressed іn terms оf pitch (which includes melody аnd harmony), rhythm (which includes tempo аnd meter), аnd thе quality оf sound (which includes timbre, articulation, dynamics, аnd texture). Music mау аlѕо involve complex generative forms іn time thrоugh thе construction оf patterns аnd combinations оf natural stimuli, principally sound. Music mау bе uѕеd fоr artistic оr aesthetic, communicative, entertainment, оr ceremonial purposes. Thе definition оf whаt constitutes music varies ассоrdіng tо culture аnd social context.This Blog tell About novelty, Music is formulated or organized sound. Although it cannot contain emotions, it is sometimes designed to manipulate and transform the emotion of the listener/listeners. Music created for movies is a good example of its use to manipulate emotions. .

Label: Spring
Year of Release: 1982

Even at Comic Relief time of year in Britain, you don't get terribly many comedians queueing up to make records these days, which is actually something of a relief - the very idea of a Mighty Boosh spoof glam/ psychedelic single or a knees-up Michael MacIntyre war hits medley filled with whimsical things he's noticed about Hitler thrills me not. There was a time, though, from the fifties right through to the eighties, where having your own single was your personal signal to the world at large that you had arrived as a comic force. Bruce Forsyth, Jim Davidson, Jimmy Tarbuck, Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, Bob Monkhouse, Bernard Manning, Julian Clary, Lenny Henry, Larry Grayson, The Young Ones, Tracy Ullman... the list is almost endless and encompasses everything from Royal Variety Show favourites through to the alternative set. The more radical people cared not whether it made them seem as if they'd "sold out" - why should they when they were getting to become pop stars and therefore living out their bedroom mirror fantasies?

Alexei Sayle is actually probably one of the most surprising additions to the canon in that he always seemed like somebody who didn't really care about whether he could get on "Top of the Pops" as well as prime-time BBC2. Whilst the likes of Rik Mayall and Julian Clary clearly had a hunger for the spotlight, Sayle appeared much more earthy and straightforward. So what on Earth was going on here?

In his defense, "Ullo John Gotta New Motor?" isn't really a commercial proposition, being a stream-of-consciousness rant seemingly in the guise of his Cockney character John backed with some funky loops. There's no chorus, no story, and seemingly absolutely no point, which makes the popularity of the single seem startling in retrospect - it reached number 15 in 1982 at a point in history where record sales were high and the charts were staggeringly competitive. To this day, unless you count the froth-mouthed ramblings of fringe anti-folk acts like Spinmaster Plantpot, there isn't really anything you can sensibly compare the record to, and like many novelty singles before it, success seems to have arrived in its direction purely because it sounded like nothing else around rather than because it followed the rules of the day. The record was also seemingly bolstered by fans of "The Young Ones", and people who caught Sayle being anarchic on "Top of the Pops". These days, the stretched parody of cockney banter the record is attempting to mock seems rather quaint, purely because very, very few people actually talk in this manner in the city anymore.

I suspect most British people know what Sayle is up to these days, but for the benefit of people overseas I can reveal that he is now an author of several successful (and serious) novels. No, really.

Label: Spring
Year of Release: 1982

Even at Comic Relief time of year in Britain, you don't get terribly many comedians queueing up to make records these days, which is actually something of a relief - the very idea of a Mighty Boosh spoof glam/ psychedelic single or a knees-up Michael MacIntyre war hits medley filled with whimsical things he's noticed about Hitler thrills me not. There was a time, though, from the fifties right through to the eighties, where having your own single was your personal signal to the world at large that you had arrived as a comic force. Bruce Forsyth, Jim Davidson, Jimmy Tarbuck, Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, Bob Monkhouse, Bernard Manning, Julian Clary, Lenny Henry, Larry Grayson, The Young Ones, Tracy Ullman... the list is almost endless and encompasses everything from Royal Variety Show favourites through to the alternative set. The more radical people cared not whether it made them seem as if they'd "sold out" - why should they when they were getting to become pop stars and therefore living out their bedroom mirror fantasies?

Alexei Sayle is actually probably one of the most surprising additions to the canon in that he always seemed like somebody who didn't really care about whether he could get on "Top of the Pops" as well as prime-time BBC2. Whilst the likes of Rik Mayall and Julian Clary clearly had a hunger for the spotlight, Sayle appeared much more earthy and straightforward. So what on Earth was going on here?

In his defense, "Ullo John Gotta New Motor?" isn't really a commercial proposition, being a stream-of-consciousness rant seemingly in the guise of his Cockney character John backed with some funky loops. There's no chorus, no story, and seemingly absolutely no point, which makes the popularity of the single seem startling in retrospect - it reached number 15 in 1982 at a point in history where record sales were high and the charts were staggeringly competitive. To this day, unless you count the froth-mouthed ramblings of fringe anti-folk acts like Spinmaster Plantpot, there isn't really anything you can sensibly compare the record to, and like many novelty singles before it, success seems to have arrived in its direction purely because it sounded like nothing else around rather than because it followed the rules of the day. The record was also seemingly bolstered by fans of "The Young Ones", and people who caught Sayle being anarchic on "Top of the Pops". These days, the stretched parody of cockney banter the record is attempting to mock seems rather quaint, purely because very, very few people actually talk in this manner in the city anymore.

I suspect most British people know what Sayle is up to these days, but for the benefit of people overseas I can reveal that he is now an author of several successful (and serious) novels. No, really.

One Hit Wonders #19 - Hylda Baker and Arthur Mullard - You're The One That I Want

novelty - Hola Music Lovers, Music іѕ а form оf art thаt involves organized аnd audible sounds аnd silence. It іѕ nоrmаllу expressed іn terms оf pitch (which includes melody аnd harmony), rhythm (which includes tempo аnd meter), аnd thе quality оf sound (which includes timbre, articulation, dynamics, аnd texture). Music mау аlѕо involve complex generative forms іn time thrоugh thе construction оf patterns аnd combinations оf natural stimuli, principally sound. Music mау bе uѕеd fоr artistic оr aesthetic, communicative, entertainment, оr ceremonial purposes. Thе definition оf whаt constitutes music varies ассоrdіng tо culture аnd social context.This Blog tell About novelty, Music is formulated or organized sound. Although it cannot contain emotions, it is sometimes designed to manipulate and transform the emotion of the listener/listeners. Music created for movies is a good example of its use to manipulate emotions. .



Label: Pye
Year of Release: 1978

Let's not beat around the bush too much on this one - this is quite simply one of the worst singles ever to enter the British Top 40.  My Dad doesn't think so. My Dad thinks this is hilarious.  On the rare occasions it pops up on television, usually as an example of either television or radio hell, he laughs quite heartily at the inept nature of the track. I, on the other hand, have never really been in on the joke.

The concept behind this record is really rather simple.  Olivia Newton John and John Travolta were both glamorous, admired and lusted after individuals in 1978, so what could be more comedic than taking two ageing and unglamorous British celebrities and giving them a "Grease" duet to cover?  Quite a bit, as it turned out.  "You're The One That I Want" is really a piece of drunken pub karaoke before such a thing had been invented.  In every bar-room karaoke session in the world, I'd be willing to bet there's a drunk, ageing couple in the corner who decide, against better wisdom, that it would be hilarious to take on a raunchy modern song much beloved of those young people.  I've seen this done in bars around London with all manner of Lady Gaga, Girls Aloud and Katy Perry tracks, and it's been a chore to witness on those occasions, but I suppose credit should be given to Baker and Mullard for being way ahead of the game and getting their particular singalong released on Pye and sending it flying into the charts.

You do have to give them further credit for being so diabolical, which was surely most of the point.  Mullard bellows away and sings "Oh yus indeed", and Baker seems game enough but fails to hit the notes on  several occasions.  Trouble is, there's nothing actually funny about the failure, it's just gratingly awful, pure and simple.  Time has not been kind to this particular attempt at humour, and what we're left with is a screecher of a track which should never have been let out of the recording studio's doors.

Much has also been made of the fact that their ill-rehearsed "Top of the Pops" performance (complete with fluffed lines and confused, bewildered looks) caused the record's sales to drop to unexpectedly low levels the following week, with numbers in the hundreds being occasionally quoted.  I've always suspected that this is an exaggeration, purely because the single's chart movements (50-22-23-22-31-35) don't really suggest crashing sales at any point.  What is more miraculous is the fact that there was any kind of demand capable of lifting this chartbound in the first place.

Mullard and Baker were stars of the British screen for a great deal of their careers, with Mullard taking on roles in "The Ladykillers" and "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang", whilst Baker enjoyed success in a variety of mainstream television comedies.  This record was among the last things either of them did.  Whether further career opportunities would have emerged had it not been for this disc is difficult to say - both were in the twilight of their careers - but it surely can't have helped matters.  Sometimes novelty records come with a very heavy price attached, a lesson many comic talents would do well to learn.

The lesser-heard B-side "Save All Your Kisses For Me", on the other hand, is pure comedy gold, filled with asides and punchlines that really make you wonder why it was never the A-side (I'm just joshing, readers - it's an absolute dog of a flipside as well).

Label: Pye
Year of Release: 1978

Let's not beat around the bush too much on this one - this is quite simply one of the worst singles ever to enter the British Top 40.  My Dad doesn't think so. My Dad thinks this is hilarious.  On the rare occasions it pops up on television, usually as an example of either television or radio hell, he laughs quite heartily at the inept nature of the track. I, on the other hand, have never really been in on the joke.

The concept behind this record is really rather simple.  Olivia Newton John and John Travolta were both glamorous, admired and lusted after individuals in 1978, so what could be more comedic than taking two ageing and unglamorous British celebrities and giving them a "Grease" duet to cover?  Quite a bit, as it turned out.  "You're The One That I Want" is really a piece of drunken pub karaoke before such a thing had been invented.  In every bar-room karaoke session in the world, I'd be willing to bet there's a drunk, ageing couple in the corner who decide, against better wisdom, that it would be hilarious to take on a raunchy modern song much beloved of those young people.  I've seen this done in bars around London with all manner of Lady Gaga, Girls Aloud and Katy Perry tracks, and it's been a chore to witness on those occasions, but I suppose credit should be given to Baker and Mullard for being way ahead of the game and getting their particular singalong released on Pye and sending it flying into the charts.

You do have to give them further credit for being so diabolical, which was surely most of the point.  Mullard bellows away and sings "Oh yus indeed", and Baker seems game enough but fails to hit the notes on  several occasions.  Trouble is, there's nothing actually funny about the failure, it's just gratingly awful, pure and simple.  Time has not been kind to this particular attempt at humour, and what we're left with is a screecher of a track which should never have been let out of the recording studio's doors.

Much has also been made of the fact that their ill-rehearsed "Top of the Pops" performance (complete with fluffed lines and confused, bewildered looks) caused the record's sales to drop to unexpectedly low levels the following week, with numbers in the hundreds being occasionally quoted.  I've always suspected that this is an exaggeration, purely because the single's chart movements (50-22-23-22-31-35) don't really suggest crashing sales at any point.  What is more miraculous is the fact that there was any kind of demand capable of lifting this chartbound in the first place.

Mullard and Baker were stars of the British screen for a great deal of their careers, with Mullard taking on roles in "The Ladykillers" and "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang", whilst Baker enjoyed success in a variety of mainstream television comedies.  This record was among the last things either of them did.  Whether further career opportunities would have emerged had it not been for this disc is difficult to say - both were in the twilight of their careers - but it surely can't have helped matters.  Sometimes novelty records come with a very heavy price attached, a lesson many comic talents would do well to learn.

The lesser-heard B-side "Save All Your Kisses For Me", on the other hand, is pure comedy gold, filled with asides and punchlines that really make you wonder why it was never the A-side (I'm just joshing, readers - it's an absolute dog of a flipside as well).

Medium Wave Band - Radio

novelty - Hola Music Lovers, Music іѕ а form оf art thаt involves organized аnd audible sounds аnd silence. It іѕ nоrmаllу expressed іn terms оf pitch (which includes melody аnd harmony), rhythm (which includes tempo аnd meter), аnd thе quality оf sound (which includes timbre, articulation, dynamics, аnd texture). Music mау аlѕо involve complex generative forms іn time thrоugh thе construction оf patterns аnd combinations оf natural stimuli, principally sound. Music mау bе uѕеd fоr artistic оr aesthetic, communicative, entertainment, оr ceremonial purposes. Thе definition оf whаt constitutes music varies ассоrdіng tо culture аnd social context.This Blog tell About novelty, Music is formulated or organized sound. Although it cannot contain emotions, it is sometimes designed to manipulate and transform the emotion of the listener/listeners. Music created for movies is a good example of its use to manipulate emotions. .



Label: Spark
Year of Release: 1974

The hiss and crackle of the BBC Light Programme through a Bakelite radio set, the treble-heavy brass and string sounds, the light-hearted, humorous lyrics about far-flung colonial outposts... the pop music of the early part of the twentieth century may seem to have been revived relatively infrequently, but there have been patches of activity here and there.  The Bonzo Dog Band are the most obvious example if we're naming revivalists, but the classic pre-45 rpm pop obsessions of Tiny Tim, the New Vaudeville Band, The Pasadena Roof Orchestra, and even odd rogue examples like Sting's "Spread a Little Happiness" have all echoed that era.  And if you really thought it was safe to avoid now, a new craze for Shellac Discos is sweeping London, where the DJs play only 78s.  The old music hall and showtime world is, for all its seeming irrelevance, fairly irrepressible.

The Medium Wave Band here demonstrate how to do it with a reasonable degree of faith, trying their hardest to recall the production values of those days where dogs stared down gramophone horns and after-dinner sherries were supped before cranking up the player.  It's not quite up to the Bonzo Dog Band standards, but it's still a charming oddity which sings the praises of radio.  Queen's rather more orthodox attempt at lionising that form of broadcasting was considerably more successful, however, and this novelty item failed to fly out of the shops.  Still, enough copies of it turn up to convince me that it can't be too rare, and therefore must have shifted some units at the time.

Who The Medium Wave band are or were is less clear, and my guess would be that they were session musicians pulled into Southern Studios with the aim of performing on a novelty record.  They are almost certainly not the sixties pop act Davey Payne and The Medium Wave.  As ever, if you know who they are, get in touch.  This tune has been cheering me up lately, as it's utterly impossible not to warm to a record that mentions "Housewife's Choice" and "Hancock's Half Hour" in a polite, chipper tone.

Label: Spark
Year of Release: 1974

The hiss and crackle of the BBC Light Programme through a Bakelite radio set, the treble-heavy brass and string sounds, the light-hearted, humorous lyrics about far-flung colonial outposts... the pop music of the early part of the twentieth century may seem to have been revived relatively infrequently, but there have been patches of activity here and there.  The Bonzo Dog Band are the most obvious example if we're naming revivalists, but the classic pre-45 rpm pop obsessions of Tiny Tim, the New Vaudeville Band, The Pasadena Roof Orchestra, and even odd rogue examples like Sting's "Spread a Little Happiness" have all echoed that era.  And if you really thought it was safe to avoid now, a new craze for Shellac Discos is sweeping London, where the DJs play only 78s.  The old music hall and showtime world is, for all its seeming irrelevance, fairly irrepressible.

The Medium Wave Band here demonstrate how to do it with a reasonable degree of faith, trying their hardest to recall the production values of those days where dogs stared down gramophone horns and after-dinner sherries were supped before cranking up the player.  It's not quite up to the Bonzo Dog Band standards, but it's still a charming oddity which sings the praises of radio.  Queen's rather more orthodox attempt at lionising that form of broadcasting was considerably more successful, however, and this novelty item failed to fly out of the shops.  Still, enough copies of it turn up to convince me that it can't be too rare, and therefore must have shifted some units at the time.

Who The Medium Wave band are or were is less clear, and my guess would be that they were session musicians pulled into Southern Studios with the aim of performing on a novelty record.  They are almost certainly not the sixties pop act Davey Payne and The Medium Wave.  As ever, if you know who they are, get in touch.  This tune has been cheering me up lately, as it's utterly impossible not to warm to a record that mentions "Housewife's Choice" and "Hancock's Half Hour" in a polite, chipper tone.

Re-Upload - The Master Singers - The Highway Code

novelty - Hola Music Lovers, Music іѕ а form оf art thаt involves organized аnd audible sounds аnd silence. It іѕ nоrmаllу expressed іn terms оf pitch (which includes melody аnd harmony), rhythm (which includes tempo аnd meter), аnd thе quality оf sound (which includes timbre, articulation, dynamics, аnd texture). Music mау аlѕо involve complex generative forms іn time thrоugh thе construction оf patterns аnd combinations оf natural stimuli, principally sound. Music mау bе uѕеd fоr artistic оr aesthetic, communicative, entertainment, оr ceremonial purposes. Thе definition оf whаt constitutes music varies ассоrdіng tо culture аnd social context.This Blog tell About novelty, Music is formulated or organized sound. Although it cannot contain emotions, it is sometimes designed to manipulate and transform the emotion of the listener/listeners. Music created for movies is a good example of its use to manipulate emotions. .



Label: Parlophone
Year of Release: 1966

"What a funny chart you guys have!" - that's what Katrina out of Katrina and the Waves once said in reference to the British Top 40, and who am I to argue with the Eurovision winner? It is indeed a strange list, filled with all manner of urban noises, children's ditties, has-beens hitting it lucky with fortunate re-issues, and even unexpected bursts of Eurodisco. True, the majority of the chart will always be filled with stuff which is also hitting big in mainland Europe and America, but it's the anomalies I love, the outsider stuff gnawing its way through the nation's favourite pop list which makes it unpredictable and exciting even today.

This single is a prime example of a long-forgotten one hit wonder, a George Martin produced novelty track which - logic should dictate - should have struggled to sell a handful of copies. In fact, a single consisting entirely of a quartet of schoolmasters singing extracts from The Highway Code in an Anglican chant style got to number 25 in the charts. As Richard Littlejohn would doubtless splutter, you couldn't make it up - but that's precisely the sort of thing I like. 

You can read the full story of the track here - it would seem that what started life as a simple private joke/recording ended up falling into the hands of the BBC, who played it once and kickstarted a very minor phenomenon. Such was its success, in fact, that even a follow up single consisting of a Weather Forecast being delivered as an Anglican chant got to number 45. 

Whilst I find the single amusing for a couple of plays, I do have to admit that its success is highly baffling. The boxes and under-counter bins of second hand stores up and down the land are filled with similar cross-genre joke ideas which never flew, so it's a bit of a mystery why this one captured everyone's imagination. George Martin's involvement probably helped, since anything with his name on it was guaranteed some kind of exposure at this point. Perhaps it seemed vaguely anarchic as well, this religious reading of the Department of Transport's key text. Like so many minor novelty hits, however, it's largely been forgotten about in the years since, which is why it's nice to offer it up for download here.

The B-side, incidentally, is Highway Code advice dispensed via the folk genre, which isn't as effective. As I've said before on this blog, plenty of folk music is ridiculous, tongue-in-cheek and frivolous itself, therefore there's very rarely anything funny about sending it up.


(This blog entry was originally made in February 2009.  There's little to add at present, but if you do want to watch a YouTube video of their follow-up flop "Weather Forecast", feel free to entertain yourselves).

Label: Parlophone
Year of Release: 1966

"What a funny chart you guys have!" - that's what Katrina out of Katrina and the Waves once said in reference to the British Top 40, and who am I to argue with the Eurovision winner? It is indeed a strange list, filled with all manner of urban noises, children's ditties, has-beens hitting it lucky with fortunate re-issues, and even unexpected bursts of Eurodisco. True, the majority of the chart will always be filled with stuff which is also hitting big in mainland Europe and America, but it's the anomalies I love, the outsider stuff gnawing its way through the nation's favourite pop list which makes it unpredictable and exciting even today.

This single is a prime example of a long-forgotten one hit wonder, a George Martin produced novelty track which - logic should dictate - should have struggled to sell a handful of copies. In fact, a single consisting entirely of a quartet of schoolmasters singing extracts from The Highway Code in an Anglican chant style got to number 25 in the charts. As Richard Littlejohn would doubtless splutter, you couldn't make it up - but that's precisely the sort of thing I like. 

You can read the full story of the track here - it would seem that what started life as a simple private joke/recording ended up falling into the hands of the BBC, who played it once and kickstarted a very minor phenomenon. Such was its success, in fact, that even a follow up single consisting of a Weather Forecast being delivered as an Anglican chant got to number 45. 

Whilst I find the single amusing for a couple of plays, I do have to admit that its success is highly baffling. The boxes and under-counter bins of second hand stores up and down the land are filled with similar cross-genre joke ideas which never flew, so it's a bit of a mystery why this one captured everyone's imagination. George Martin's involvement probably helped, since anything with his name on it was guaranteed some kind of exposure at this point. Perhaps it seemed vaguely anarchic as well, this religious reading of the Department of Transport's key text. Like so many minor novelty hits, however, it's largely been forgotten about in the years since, which is why it's nice to offer it up for download here.

The B-side, incidentally, is Highway Code advice dispensed via the folk genre, which isn't as effective. As I've said before on this blog, plenty of folk music is ridiculous, tongue-in-cheek and frivolous itself, therefore there's very rarely anything funny about sending it up.


(This blog entry was originally made in February 2009.  There's little to add at present, but if you do want to watch a YouTube video of their follow-up flop "Weather Forecast", feel free to entertain yourselves).

Second Hand Record Dip Part 70 - Nanette Newman - "Fun Food Factory"

novelty - Hola Music Lovers, Music іѕ а form оf art thаt involves organized аnd audible sounds аnd silence. It іѕ nоrmаllу expressed іn terms оf pitch (which includes melody аnd harmony), rhythm (which includes tempo аnd meter), аnd thе quality оf sound (which includes timbre, articulation, dynamics, аnd texture). Music mау аlѕо involve complex generative forms іn time thrоugh thе construction оf patterns аnd combinations оf natural stimuli, principally sound. Music mау bе uѕеd fоr artistic оr aesthetic, communicative, entertainment, оr ceremonial purposes. Thе definition оf whаt constitutes music varies ассоrdіng tо culture аnd social context.This Blog tell About novelty, Music is formulated or organized sound. Although it cannot contain emotions, it is sometimes designed to manipulate and transform the emotion of the listener/listeners. Music created for movies is a good example of its use to manipulate emotions. .



Who: Nanette Newman
What: Fun Food Factory (b/w "Morris (The Studio Mouse)")
Label: B&C
When: 1977
Where: Wood Street Market, Walthamstow, London
Cost: 50p

I have wandered through life oblivious to many things until they've been right under my nose.  I didn't know or believe, for example, that New Zealand truly was a breathtakingly beautiful country until I actually saw it with my own eyes.  I also didn't know that you couldn't really feed dogs bread until I gave a friend's "standard" poodle more than a fair amount then watched as, a mere couple of hours later, he emptied the contents of his stomach all over the front room floor from both orifices.  And I never, ever knew that Nanette Newman (or "The Fairy Liquid lady" as she seems to be known to most) had put a single out.  I'm not sure where that fits in the grand scale of things, but I think it's safe to say it's not an unpleasant discovery - neither as nasty as runny poodle vomit and excrement nor as breathtaking as Kaikoura.

"Fun Food Factory" is the theme tune to a TV show Newman hosted at the time, which involved lots of children getting messy in cookery orientated fun.  According to the TV Cream website, there was a large "danger" sign on the back wall of the studio which would flash whenever the children handled a sharp object such as a knife, to alert the kids to the potential problems such things cause.  I have never seen an episode myself, but the theme is irrepressibly chirpy, and makes a visit to the Fun Food Factory sound like a visit to some neon-coloured corner of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.  "There's something there for you to make/ funny fruit and carrot cake!" the children exclaim, which makes me wonder what they're on about.  "Carrot cake" is, of course, a perfectly ordinary thing to make, but how would one create either bemusing or amusing fruit?  Was Nanette playing God here, growing phallus-shaped future-fruits in the studio with the help of several genetic scientists whilst in desperate search of ratings?    Or was the fruit in question in some way hallucinogenic?  Thank God the woman was stopped after one series and forced to sell magical long-lasting washing up liquid instead.

The B-side "Morris The Studio Mouse" is a woeful ditty about one mouse's failure to get a career in Hollywood, with parts for mice having apparently all but dried up.  There's a weedy, self-pitying tone to the rodent's high pitched squealing which predates Orville by some years, and I'm not crying "Keith Harris is a plagiarist" here - for all I actually know, he may have had some uncredited involvement in this creation - but it all seems a bit too much of a coincidence.  Nanette sounds so despairing and thoughtful throughout that it's hard not to be moved despite the ludicrous nature of the tune and the character.  Interestingly, this particular track was co-written with Mike Vickers, who also worked with Kenny Everett.  Presumably Kenny didn't take up the option on the song first.

Who: Nanette Newman
What: Fun Food Factory (b/w "Morris (The Studio Mouse)")
Label: B&C
When: 1977
Where: Wood Street Market, Walthamstow, London
Cost: 50p

I have wandered through life oblivious to many things until they've been right under my nose.  I didn't know or believe, for example, that New Zealand truly was a breathtakingly beautiful country until I actually saw it with my own eyes.  I also didn't know that you couldn't really feed dogs bread until I gave a friend's "standard" poodle more than a fair amount then watched as, a mere couple of hours later, he emptied the contents of his stomach all over the front room floor from both orifices.  And I never, ever knew that Nanette Newman (or "The Fairy Liquid lady" as she seems to be known to most) had put a single out.  I'm not sure where that fits in the grand scale of things, but I think it's safe to say it's not an unpleasant discovery - neither as nasty as runny poodle vomit and excrement nor as breathtaking as Kaikoura.

"Fun Food Factory" is the theme tune to a TV show Newman hosted at the time, which involved lots of children getting messy in cookery orientated fun.  According to the TV Cream website, there was a large "danger" sign on the back wall of the studio which would flash whenever the children handled a sharp object such as a knife, to alert the kids to the potential problems such things cause.  I have never seen an episode myself, but the theme is irrepressibly chirpy, and makes a visit to the Fun Food Factory sound like a visit to some neon-coloured corner of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.  "There's something there for you to make/ funny fruit and carrot cake!" the children exclaim, which makes me wonder what they're on about.  "Carrot cake" is, of course, a perfectly ordinary thing to make, but how would one create either bemusing or amusing fruit?  Was Nanette playing God here, growing phallus-shaped future-fruits in the studio with the help of several genetic scientists whilst in desperate search of ratings?    Or was the fruit in question in some way hallucinogenic?  Thank God the woman was stopped after one series and forced to sell magical long-lasting washing up liquid instead.

The B-side "Morris The Studio Mouse" is a woeful ditty about one mouse's failure to get a career in Hollywood, with parts for mice having apparently all but dried up.  There's a weedy, self-pitying tone to the rodent's high pitched squealing which predates Orville by some years, and I'm not crying "Keith Harris is a plagiarist" here - for all I actually know, he may have had some uncredited involvement in this creation - but it all seems a bit too much of a coincidence.  Nanette sounds so despairing and thoughtful throughout that it's hard not to be moved despite the ludicrous nature of the tune and the character.  Interestingly, this particular track was co-written with Mike Vickers, who also worked with Kenny Everett.  Presumably Kenny didn't take up the option on the song first.

Second Hand Record Dip Part 68 - Joan Collins Fan Club - Leader of the Pack

novelty - Hola Music Lovers, Music іѕ а form оf art thаt involves organized аnd audible sounds аnd silence. It іѕ nоrmаllу expressed іn terms оf pitch (which includes melody аnd harmony), rhythm (which includes tempo аnd meter), аnd thе quality оf sound (which includes timbre, articulation, dynamics, аnd texture). Music mау аlѕо involve complex generative forms іn time thrоugh thе construction оf patterns аnd combinations оf natural stimuli, principally sound. Music mау bе uѕеd fоr artistic оr aesthetic, communicative, entertainment, оr ceremonial purposes. Thе definition оf whаt constitutes music varies ассоrdіng tо culture аnd social context.This Blog tell About novelty, Music is formulated or organized sound. Although it cannot contain emotions, it is sometimes designed to manipulate and transform the emotion of the listener/listeners. Music created for movies is a good example of its use to manipulate emotions. .



Who: Joan Collins Fan Club (aka Julian Clary)
What: Leader of the Pack/ Jacques
Label: 10 Records
When: 1988
Where: Haggle Records, Islington, London
Cost: 25p


Julian Clary's name tended to be bandied around like Billy-O whenever the alternative comedy scene was referenced in the eighties. This is curious, as unlike many of his travelling bedfellows he didn't seem particularly politicised (unless you regard the very act of being a camp homosexual to be a "statement")  and dealt mainly in the kind of audience member put-downs and double-entendres which wouldn't have been terribly out of place in the previous decade.  His most controversial act - announcing that he'd been "fisting" the cabinet secretary Norman Lamont live at a comedy awards ceremony before the watershed - in fact isn't even really a joke, more of an absurd statement.  The image of Clary engaged in rough, hot, sweaty sex with the great man-Badger cross-breed Norman is peculiar enough to be amusing, but if it weren't for the uproar and news headlines which followed the bogus announcement, it's doubtful anybody would remember it.  Sometimes the lines which get comedians into the deepest, hottest water tend not to be their finest moments.


And talking of below-par moments... like a great many alternative comedians in the eighties, Clary didn't balk at the idea of being given a record deal, joining the likes of The Young Ones, Harry Enfield and Alexei Sayle into the novelty disc hall of fame.  "Leader of the Pack" was a logical choice for the lad, having a camp undercurrent to its melodramatic tale of careless motorcyclists, but comes closer in quality to Jasper Carrott's "Funky Moped" in terms of end product.  Plugged to death on television at the time, "Leader of the Pack" was still something of a flop, failing to completely capture the public's imagination.  That it sounds exactly as you'd expect it to sound isn't necessarily a good thing.  Clary can't really sing (and I'm sure wouldn't make any claims to be able to) the song's arrangement is a tiny bit slapdash, and the jokes ("He came from the wrong side of the town... well, what was the right side?") mostly sound more like sarcastic asides rather than well-considered lines.  Clary seemed to bank on the fact that we as listeners hadn't already realised that "Leader of the Pack" was something of a ridiculous disc, and was now signposting its frilly failings for our collective benefits - which is a bit like doing "Seasons in the Sun" at karaoke and making comments such as "pur-lease" and "Oh really!" at the end of each questionable or over-the-top line.  Who on earth is genuinely going to have an "Eureka!" moment upon hearing such insights?  Is there anyone who genuinely wept upon hearing "Leader of the Pack" first time around?  If so, would this single make them think "Oh, I feel rather soppy about the fact I got worked about that now?"  It's doubtful.  If Clary had wanted to really challenge people's preconceptions about the homo-erotic elements of mainstream music, he could have had much more of a field day with any number of eighties Heavy Metal singles, and I predict the end result would have been considerably more amusing if the disc was chosen carefully.  It probably would also have caused as much upset as his Lamont comment.  


As is so often the way with these comedy singles, the B-side is stronger.  "Jacques" is an amusing tale about a cool, laidback lover of Clary's whose coolness thwarted the entire relationship.  It's an endearing and minimal parody of French balladry and pop music which just about pulls it off.  And if Julian happened to be reading this, I'm sure he'd have something to say about those last three words.  


Sorry about the pops and clicks on these recordings, by the way.  Again, there was some sticky substance on this record when I bought it.  The last record I purchased to have gluey gum all over it was Rita's "Erotica", so if I were Julian Clary I'd be quite flattered by that "outcome".

Who: Joan Collins Fan Club (aka Julian Clary)
What: Leader of the Pack/ Jacques
Label: 10 Records
When: 1988
Where: Haggle Records, Islington, London
Cost: 25p


Julian Clary's name tended to be bandied around like Billy-O whenever the alternative comedy scene was referenced in the eighties. This is curious, as unlike many of his travelling bedfellows he didn't seem particularly politicised (unless you regard the very act of being a camp homosexual to be a "statement")  and dealt mainly in the kind of audience member put-downs and double-entendres which wouldn't have been terribly out of place in the previous decade.  His most controversial act - announcing that he'd been "fisting" the cabinet secretary Norman Lamont live at a comedy awards ceremony before the watershed - in fact isn't even really a joke, more of an absurd statement.  The image of Clary engaged in rough, hot, sweaty sex with the great man-Badger cross-breed Norman is peculiar enough to be amusing, but if it weren't for the uproar and news headlines which followed the bogus announcement, it's doubtful anybody would remember it.  Sometimes the lines which get comedians into the deepest, hottest water tend not to be their finest moments.


And talking of below-par moments... like a great many alternative comedians in the eighties, Clary didn't balk at the idea of being given a record deal, joining the likes of The Young Ones, Harry Enfield and Alexei Sayle into the novelty disc hall of fame.  "Leader of the Pack" was a logical choice for the lad, having a camp undercurrent to its melodramatic tale of careless motorcyclists, but comes closer in quality to Jasper Carrott's "Funky Moped" in terms of end product.  Plugged to death on television at the time, "Leader of the Pack" was still something of a flop, failing to completely capture the public's imagination.  That it sounds exactly as you'd expect it to sound isn't necessarily a good thing.  Clary can't really sing (and I'm sure wouldn't make any claims to be able to) the song's arrangement is a tiny bit slapdash, and the jokes ("He came from the wrong side of the town... well, what was the right side?") mostly sound more like sarcastic asides rather than well-considered lines.  Clary seemed to bank on the fact that we as listeners hadn't already realised that "Leader of the Pack" was something of a ridiculous disc, and was now signposting its frilly failings for our collective benefits - which is a bit like doing "Seasons in the Sun" at karaoke and making comments such as "pur-lease" and "Oh really!" at the end of each questionable or over-the-top line.  Who on earth is genuinely going to have an "Eureka!" moment upon hearing such insights?  Is there anyone who genuinely wept upon hearing "Leader of the Pack" first time around?  If so, would this single make them think "Oh, I feel rather soppy about the fact I got worked about that now?"  It's doubtful.  If Clary had wanted to really challenge people's preconceptions about the homo-erotic elements of mainstream music, he could have had much more of a field day with any number of eighties Heavy Metal singles, and I predict the end result would have been considerably more amusing if the disc was chosen carefully.  It probably would also have caused as much upset as his Lamont comment.  


As is so often the way with these comedy singles, the B-side is stronger.  "Jacques" is an amusing tale about a cool, laidback lover of Clary's whose coolness thwarted the entire relationship.  It's an endearing and minimal parody of French balladry and pop music which just about pulls it off.  And if Julian happened to be reading this, I'm sure he'd have something to say about those last three words.  


Sorry about the pops and clicks on these recordings, by the way.  Again, there was some sticky substance on this record when I bought it.  The last record I purchased to have gluey gum all over it was Rita's "Erotica", so if I were Julian Clary I'd be quite flattered by that "outcome".

El Vez - Feliz Navidad

novelty - Hola Music Lovers, Music іѕ а form оf art thаt involves organized аnd audible sounds аnd silence. It іѕ nоrmаllу expressed іn terms оf pitch (which includes melody аnd harmony), rhythm (which includes tempo аnd meter), аnd thе quality оf sound (which includes timbre, articulation, dynamics, аnd texture). Music mау аlѕо involve complex generative forms іn time thrоugh thе construction оf patterns аnd combinations оf natural stimuli, principally sound. Music mау bе uѕеd fоr artistic оr aesthetic, communicative, entertainment, оr ceremonial purposes. Thе definition оf whаt constitutes music varies ассоrdіng tо culture аnd social context.This Blog tell About novelty, Music is formulated or organized sound. Although it cannot contain emotions, it is sometimes designed to manipulate and transform the emotion of the listener/listeners. Music created for movies is a good example of its use to manipulate emotions. .



Label: Poptones
Year of Release: 2000

Say what you like about Alan McGee - and most people do, so there's no reason to hold back - Creation Records was probably one of the best independent labels in music history.  As prone to folly as genius, the uneven nature of the label's catalogue understood exactly what it was like to be a true music fan, and be in love with esoteric bits of plastic as much as you are the genuine, stone-cold classics.  For every "Screamadelica" there was a piece of bemusing ballast such as Bill Drummond's "The Man" (I must upload that one day, actually) or records by Les Zarjaz, a baroque styled musician who sang songs about nuclear fall-out shelters to the accompaniment of a harpsichord.  I could, if I really wanted, spend a whole three months doing nothing on here but exploring the flops of Creation's back catalogue, or I could also offer up nothing but classic output from the label for the same period of time as well.  In short, a whole blog could be created focussing on nothing but Creation Records.

When Creation shut up shop and McGee opened up the doors at Poptones, he still seemed to love blasting the odd oddment into record stores, and this was one late period Alan-shaped wonder.  El Vez is a middle aged Mexican-American rock and roller who performs both cover versions of other songs and his own material in a greased up, swaggering style.  In this case, he mashes up Public Image Limited's "Public Image" with the yuletide standard "Feliz Navidad".  This did actually receive a fair volume of airplay from alternative radio stations at the time, but disinterest in the record seemed to reign in spite of this.  Clearly the kids weren't ready for the Lydon/ Feliciano crossover, which saddens but fails to surprise me.

I'm also unsurprised by the fact that El Vez has a whole Christmas album online ready for download, which includes this track - hear snippets of both it and its B-side below.

And incidentally, that concludes this year's Christmas offerings on "Left and to the Back".  I'll be back on the 22nd with a surprise, mind you, so don't give up on the blog just yet.

Label: Poptones
Year of Release: 2000

Say what you like about Alan McGee - and most people do, so there's no reason to hold back - Creation Records was probably one of the best independent labels in music history.  As prone to folly as genius, the uneven nature of the label's catalogue understood exactly what it was like to be a true music fan, and be in love with esoteric bits of plastic as much as you are the genuine, stone-cold classics.  For every "Screamadelica" there was a piece of bemusing ballast such as Bill Drummond's "The Man" (I must upload that one day, actually) or records by Les Zarjaz, a baroque styled musician who sang songs about nuclear fall-out shelters to the accompaniment of a harpsichord.  I could, if I really wanted, spend a whole three months doing nothing on here but exploring the flops of Creation's back catalogue, or I could also offer up nothing but classic output from the label for the same period of time as well.  In short, a whole blog could be created focussing on nothing but Creation Records.

When Creation shut up shop and McGee opened up the doors at Poptones, he still seemed to love blasting the odd oddment into record stores, and this was one late period Alan-shaped wonder.  El Vez is a middle aged Mexican-American rock and roller who performs both cover versions of other songs and his own material in a greased up, swaggering style.  In this case, he mashes up Public Image Limited's "Public Image" with the yuletide standard "Feliz Navidad".  This did actually receive a fair volume of airplay from alternative radio stations at the time, but disinterest in the record seemed to reign in spite of this.  Clearly the kids weren't ready for the Lydon/ Feliciano crossover, which saddens but fails to surprise me.

I'm also unsurprised by the fact that El Vez has a whole Christmas album online ready for download, which includes this track - hear snippets of both it and its B-side below.

And incidentally, that concludes this year's Christmas offerings on "Left and to the Back".  I'll be back on the 22nd with a surprise, mind you, so don't give up on the blog just yet.

Second Hand Record Dip Part 67 - Marty Feldman - A Joyous Time Of The Year

novelty - Hola Music Lovers, Music іѕ а form оf art thаt involves organized аnd audible sounds аnd silence. It іѕ nоrmаllу expressed іn terms оf pitch (which includes melody аnd harmony), rhythm (which includes tempo аnd meter), аnd thе quality оf sound (which includes timbre, articulation, dynamics, аnd texture). Music mау аlѕо involve complex generative forms іn time thrоugh thе construction оf patterns аnd combinations оf natural stimuli, principally sound. Music mау bе uѕеd fоr artistic оr aesthetic, communicative, entertainment, оr ceremonial purposes. Thе definition оf whаt constitutes music varies ассоrdіng tо culture аnd social context.This Blog tell About novelty, Music is formulated or organized sound. Although it cannot contain emotions, it is sometimes designed to manipulate and transform the emotion of the listener/listeners. Music created for movies is a good example of its use to manipulate emotions. .



Who: Marty Feldman
What: A Joyous Time Of The Year/ The B Side
Label: Decca
When: 1968
Where: Wood Street Market, Walthamstow, London
Cost: 50p

It's surprising how infrequently Marty Feldman's name crops up in the British media these days.  At his peak, he was one of the foremost comedians of the sixties and seventies, winning two BAFTA awards, and appearing on a stream of TV shows which utilised his apparently "jazz influenced" comedy style to enormous success.  Here he is with John Cleese, and you can witness him playing the part of Igor here if that's your particular bag.

One of life's irrepressible performers, and by all accounts a bag of insane and unpredictable energy at times, Feldman took to the music industry in a manner which many of his contempories must have envied.  Whilst flop singles from British comedians are so ubiquitous in second hand shops that it seems pointless even mentioning it, Feldman's work is among the few I would argue is undeserving of the infamy.  His tunes are an extension of his personality, and the frothy excitement behind most of the work almost manages, in some cases, to give the impression that it was partly improvised (not entirely impossible, actually).

His Christmas single "A Joyous Time Of Year" is a sarcastic piece of nastiness stabbing a dirty digit at the inconveniences of Yuletide.  In it he lists the various miserable aspects of the season - the cost of his wife's present, for example, "could have bought Mornington Crescent", and idiots buying children trumpets ("blowing dischords in my ear") is another inconvenience which is given an airing.  The song is capped off brilliantly by Feldman listing an itinerary of utterly hopeless presents (which still sound better than my haul last year, incidentally).

More interesting still is the B-side where Feldman decides he can "say whatever he wants" because nobody listens to flipsides of records anymore, and proceeds to spread slander about various radio DJs, saving most of his unpleasantness for Tony Blackburn.  Perhaps they did hear the B-side after all, for this single simply did not sell, and Feldman's career as a comedy singer failed - but unbelievably, both tracks and his album "I Feel A Song Going Off" have been made available on iTunes by Decca Records.  To listen to the tracks in full, purchase them either from there or from another online retail outlet.  In the meantime, enjoy the snippets below.

Who: Marty Feldman
What: A Joyous Time Of The Year/ The B Side
Label: Decca
When: 1968
Where: Wood Street Market, Walthamstow, London
Cost: 50p

It's surprising how infrequently Marty Feldman's name crops up in the British media these days.  At his peak, he was one of the foremost comedians of the sixties and seventies, winning two BAFTA awards, and appearing on a stream of TV shows which utilised his apparently "jazz influenced" comedy style to enormous success.  Here he is with John Cleese, and you can witness him playing the part of Igor here if that's your particular bag.

One of life's irrepressible performers, and by all accounts a bag of insane and unpredictable energy at times, Feldman took to the music industry in a manner which many of his contempories must have envied.  Whilst flop singles from British comedians are so ubiquitous in second hand shops that it seems pointless even mentioning it, Feldman's work is among the few I would argue is undeserving of the infamy.  His tunes are an extension of his personality, and the frothy excitement behind most of the work almost manages, in some cases, to give the impression that it was partly improvised (not entirely impossible, actually).

His Christmas single "A Joyous Time Of Year" is a sarcastic piece of nastiness stabbing a dirty digit at the inconveniences of Yuletide.  In it he lists the various miserable aspects of the season - the cost of his wife's present, for example, "could have bought Mornington Crescent", and idiots buying children trumpets ("blowing dischords in my ear") is another inconvenience which is given an airing.  The song is capped off brilliantly by Feldman listing an itinerary of utterly hopeless presents (which still sound better than my haul last year, incidentally).

More interesting still is the B-side where Feldman decides he can "say whatever he wants" because nobody listens to flipsides of records anymore, and proceeds to spread slander about various radio DJs, saving most of his unpleasantness for Tony Blackburn.  Perhaps they did hear the B-side after all, for this single simply did not sell, and Feldman's career as a comedy singer failed - but unbelievably, both tracks and his album "I Feel A Song Going Off" have been made available on iTunes by Decca Records.  To listen to the tracks in full, purchase them either from there or from another online retail outlet.  In the meantime, enjoy the snippets below.

The Snowmen - Nik Nak Paddywack

novelty - Hola Music Lovers, Music іѕ а form оf art thаt involves organized аnd audible sounds аnd silence. It іѕ nоrmаllу expressed іn terms оf pitch (which includes melody аnd harmony), rhythm (which includes tempo аnd meter), аnd thе quality оf sound (which includes timbre, articulation, dynamics, аnd texture). Music mау аlѕо involve complex generative forms іn time thrоugh thе construction оf patterns аnd combinations оf natural stimuli, principally sound. Music mау bе uѕеd fоr artistic оr aesthetic, communicative, entertainment, оr ceremonial purposes. Thе definition оf whаt constitutes music varies ассоrdіng tо culture аnd social context.This Blog tell About novelty, Music is formulated or organized sound. Although it cannot contain emotions, it is sometimes designed to manipulate and transform the emotion of the listener/listeners. Music created for movies is a good example of its use to manipulate emotions. .



Label: Priority
Year of Release: 1986

Stiff Records will probably be known by most music lovers for dropping Ian Dury, Madness and Elvis Costello on to a country that had until then failed to realise that it really needed such characters as its pop stars.  It will forever be remembered as a label that had a run of success which - Alvin Stardust and Tracy Ullman singles aside - wouldn't really have been predicted by most music industry insiders.  It's hard to imagine a successful label now being bankrolled by artists such as a thirtysomething man with polio inflicted disabilities, a bespectacled serious singer-songwriter with the first name Elvis, and a large gang of whacky but earthily intelligent lads running around like Gumby-esque idiots playing a ska derived racket.

Perhaps the fact that Stiff seemed to tap into the glory of unrestrained English eccentrics encouraged the owner Dave Robinson to dabble in some rather peculiar areas with slightly more mixed results.  Spoken about less frequently are the mysterious Snowmen, whose "Hokey Cokey" was a slightly surprising number 18 hit in 1981 (Slade had shamelessly tried their luck with the very same track two years before to be greeted with utter disinterest).  The 'band' - if it could really be described as such - was represented by four costumed gentlemen on "Top of the Pops" rather unable to do most of the gestures described in the song due to the restrictions of their outfits.  Or perhaps that was part of the joke.

At the time, rumours were rife that this was Ian Dury messing around, and whilst those have persisted to an extent, there is - as "Sweeping the Nation" blog mentioned some days ago - little evidence to suggest this is the case.  Given that Dury has now no longer been with us for some time, one would have hoped that if he had anything to do with the four Snowmen singles which were issued, we'd know something about it by now.  Jona Lewie was another rumoured contributor to the project, which seems more realistic.  Lewie wasn't above making novelty records, having issued "Seaside Shuffle" under the name Terry Dactyl and the Dinosaurs in the seventies, and the gruffness of the voice also isn't laughably far away from his normal vocal stylings.

The word "might" is key here, however, and the fact remains that for the last twenty-five years now we've been left in the dark about which Stiff employee - if any - was responsible for all this.  "Nik Nak Paddywack" was really their last hurrah, and by the time it came out Stiff had gone belly-up, leaving Priority Records to handle the issue, which failed to enter the Top 75.  All the familiar elements are intact, including the utterly inappropriate fifty-a-day child-stalker vocals, festive bells and chimes, and utter relentless stupidity.  It's not a record which deserves to be heard necessarily, and nor is it a record which should have charted, but it is a perplexing little piece of a puzzle.  Will the real Snowmen please stand up?  My money personally is on my chain-smoking, gruff voiced, Mark E Smith lookalike Chemistry teacher from school, but then it always was.

Label: Priority
Year of Release: 1986

Stiff Records will probably be known by most music lovers for dropping Ian Dury, Madness and Elvis Costello on to a country that had until then failed to realise that it really needed such characters as its pop stars.  It will forever be remembered as a label that had a run of success which - Alvin Stardust and Tracy Ullman singles aside - wouldn't really have been predicted by most music industry insiders.  It's hard to imagine a successful label now being bankrolled by artists such as a thirtysomething man with polio inflicted disabilities, a bespectacled serious singer-songwriter with the first name Elvis, and a large gang of whacky but earthily intelligent lads running around like Gumby-esque idiots playing a ska derived racket.

Perhaps the fact that Stiff seemed to tap into the glory of unrestrained English eccentrics encouraged the owner Dave Robinson to dabble in some rather peculiar areas with slightly more mixed results.  Spoken about less frequently are the mysterious Snowmen, whose "Hokey Cokey" was a slightly surprising number 18 hit in 1981 (Slade had shamelessly tried their luck with the very same track two years before to be greeted with utter disinterest).  The 'band' - if it could really be described as such - was represented by four costumed gentlemen on "Top of the Pops" rather unable to do most of the gestures described in the song due to the restrictions of their outfits.  Or perhaps that was part of the joke.

At the time, rumours were rife that this was Ian Dury messing around, and whilst those have persisted to an extent, there is - as "Sweeping the Nation" blog mentioned some days ago - little evidence to suggest this is the case.  Given that Dury has now no longer been with us for some time, one would have hoped that if he had anything to do with the four Snowmen singles which were issued, we'd know something about it by now.  Jona Lewie was another rumoured contributor to the project, which seems more realistic.  Lewie wasn't above making novelty records, having issued "Seaside Shuffle" under the name Terry Dactyl and the Dinosaurs in the seventies, and the gruffness of the voice also isn't laughably far away from his normal vocal stylings.

The word "might" is key here, however, and the fact remains that for the last twenty-five years now we've been left in the dark about which Stiff employee - if any - was responsible for all this.  "Nik Nak Paddywack" was really their last hurrah, and by the time it came out Stiff had gone belly-up, leaving Priority Records to handle the issue, which failed to enter the Top 75.  All the familiar elements are intact, including the utterly inappropriate fifty-a-day child-stalker vocals, festive bells and chimes, and utter relentless stupidity.  It's not a record which deserves to be heard necessarily, and nor is it a record which should have charted, but it is a perplexing little piece of a puzzle.  Will the real Snowmen please stand up?  My money personally is on my chain-smoking, gruff voiced, Mark E Smith lookalike Chemistry teacher from school, but then it always was.

Second Hand Record Dip Part 65 - Mojams feat. Debbie Currie - You Can Do Magic

novelty - Hola Music Lovers, Music іѕ а form оf art thаt involves organized аnd audible sounds аnd silence. It іѕ nоrmаllу expressed іn terms оf pitch (which includes melody аnd harmony), rhythm (which includes tempo аnd meter), аnd thе quality оf sound (which includes timbre, articulation, dynamics, аnd texture). Music mау аlѕо involve complex generative forms іn time thrоugh thе construction оf patterns аnd combinations оf natural stimuli, principally sound. Music mау bе uѕеd fоr artistic оr aesthetic, communicative, entertainment, оr ceremonial purposes. Thе definition оf whаt constitutes music varies ассоrdіng tо culture аnd social context.This Blog tell About novelty, Music is formulated or organized sound. Although it cannot contain emotions, it is sometimes designed to manipulate and transform the emotion of the listener/listeners. Music created for movies is a good example of its use to manipulate emotions. .



Who: Mojams feat. Debbie Currie (actually, Sinitta)
What: You Can Do Magic
Label: Gotham
When: 1997
Where: Music and Video Exchange, Camden High Street
Cost: 50p

Whilst truth is indeed frequently stranger than fiction in the music industry, sometimes when things seem too absurd to be true, it's because they are.  This single is a supremely odd confirmation of that fact, a scam so subtle in its execution that to this day, you can still see references to it on national newspaper websites as being a bona-fide piece of work.

Debbie Currie, the daughter of "outspoken" Conservative MP Edwina Currie, was attempting a career as a journalist when the team behind the investigative programme the "Cook Report" approached her with an intriguing offer.  The deal was that she would pretend to front a single produced by Mike Stock and Matt Aitken, and they would hire a gang of "hypers" to artificially push its position up the charts.  The aim was to ultimately expose the British charts as being open to abuse despite the BPI's continual assurances that hype was now easily spotted, and a thing of the distant past.

In reality, Sinitta sang the vocals, and all Currie really appears to have done is displayed her stomach on the sleeve (above) and posed for a few publicity shots.  The gossip columns of newspapers also ran a few short pieces about "sexy" Debbie Currie's new pop band which gave the project an air of authenticity, which was eventually blown on prime-time television.

I suspect that the "Cook Report" team would have liked to have seen the single chart within the Top 40, but in reality - despite the production team behind it, and despite the publicity - the single stiffed at number 81.  The end programme appeared to gamely claim that they'd exposed the fact that chart rigging still existed, but it's hard not to conclude that an average pop single produced by Stock and Aitken would have been expected to chart within the lower reaches of the Top 100 at the very least.  Music industry mogul Clive Selwood also dismisses the show's scoop in his biography "All of the Moves But None of the Licks", stating that the single should probably have charted higher on its own merits, and questions should have been asked of the distributors.  All it proved, he concluded, is that people can easily be tricked out of money for non-existent services, which is admittedly fraud, but not exactly headline news.

Perhaps it's due to the failings of the documentary to make a concrete point that to this day, journalists still cite Debbie Currie's "failed pop career" as evidence of the fact that she's "Edwina Currie's rebellious, wild child daughter".  This is an utterly incorrect version of events, and Debbie has gone on record as saying that she would never have seriously considered a career in music, and that her friends assumed that she was having "some sort of breakdown" at the time whilst she kept the pretence up.

As for "You Can Do Magic" itself, it's a passable little single, perfectly pleasant in a quickly recorded Saint Etienne B-side kind of way.  In a quiet week in January it might actually have performed moderately well in its own right, and it's certainly a strange tune to pick to prove a chart hype point.  Perhaps if something noticeably below par had been used, the researchers and producers behind the show might have worried that the authorities would have smelt a rat.

Interestingly, there's also an information service advertised on the sleeve, asking us to write to "Mojams, Freepost 1276, PO BOX 4100, London, SE1 0YW".  One wonders what anybody who scribbled a note to that address got in return - a signed picture of Roger Cook angrily pointing, perhaps.

Who: Mojams feat. Debbie Currie (actually, Sinitta)
What: You Can Do Magic
Label: Gotham
When: 1997
Where: Music and Video Exchange, Camden High Street
Cost: 50p

Whilst truth is indeed frequently stranger than fiction in the music industry, sometimes when things seem too absurd to be true, it's because they are.  This single is a supremely odd confirmation of that fact, a scam so subtle in its execution that to this day, you can still see references to it on national newspaper websites as being a bona-fide piece of work.

Debbie Currie, the daughter of "outspoken" Conservative MP Edwina Currie, was attempting a career as a journalist when the team behind the investigative programme the "Cook Report" approached her with an intriguing offer.  The deal was that she would pretend to front a single produced by Mike Stock and Matt Aitken, and they would hire a gang of "hypers" to artificially push its position up the charts.  The aim was to ultimately expose the British charts as being open to abuse despite the BPI's continual assurances that hype was now easily spotted, and a thing of the distant past.

In reality, Sinitta sang the vocals, and all Currie really appears to have done is displayed her stomach on the sleeve (above) and posed for a few publicity shots.  The gossip columns of newspapers also ran a few short pieces about "sexy" Debbie Currie's new pop band which gave the project an air of authenticity, which was eventually blown on prime-time television.

I suspect that the "Cook Report" team would have liked to have seen the single chart within the Top 40, but in reality - despite the production team behind it, and despite the publicity - the single stiffed at number 81.  The end programme appeared to gamely claim that they'd exposed the fact that chart rigging still existed, but it's hard not to conclude that an average pop single produced by Stock and Aitken would have been expected to chart within the lower reaches of the Top 100 at the very least.  Music industry mogul Clive Selwood also dismisses the show's scoop in his biography "All of the Moves But None of the Licks", stating that the single should probably have charted higher on its own merits, and questions should have been asked of the distributors.  All it proved, he concluded, is that people can easily be tricked out of money for non-existent services, which is admittedly fraud, but not exactly headline news.

Perhaps it's due to the failings of the documentary to make a concrete point that to this day, journalists still cite Debbie Currie's "failed pop career" as evidence of the fact that she's "Edwina Currie's rebellious, wild child daughter".  This is an utterly incorrect version of events, and Debbie has gone on record as saying that she would never have seriously considered a career in music, and that her friends assumed that she was having "some sort of breakdown" at the time whilst she kept the pretence up.

As for "You Can Do Magic" itself, it's a passable little single, perfectly pleasant in a quickly recorded Saint Etienne B-side kind of way.  In a quiet week in January it might actually have performed moderately well in its own right, and it's certainly a strange tune to pick to prove a chart hype point.  Perhaps if something noticeably below par had been used, the researchers and producers behind the show might have worried that the authorities would have smelt a rat.

Interestingly, there's also an information service advertised on the sleeve, asking us to write to "Mojams, Freepost 1276, PO BOX 4100, London, SE1 0YW".  One wonders what anybody who scribbled a note to that address got in return - a signed picture of Roger Cook angrily pointing, perhaps.

One Hit Wonders #15 - Joy Sarney - Naughty Naughty Naughty

novelty - Hola Music Lovers, Music іѕ а form оf art thаt involves organized аnd audible sounds аnd silence. It іѕ nоrmаllу expressed іn terms оf pitch (which includes melody аnd harmony), rhythm (which includes tempo аnd meter), аnd thе quality оf sound (which includes timbre, articulation, dynamics, аnd texture). Music mау аlѕо involve complex generative forms іn time thrоugh thе construction оf patterns аnd combinations оf natural stimuli, principally sound. Music mау bе uѕеd fоr artistic оr aesthetic, communicative, entertainment, оr ceremonial purposes. Thе definition оf whаt constitutes music varies ассоrdіng tо culture аnd social context.This Blog tell About novelty, Music is formulated or organized sound. Although it cannot contain emotions, it is sometimes designed to manipulate and transform the emotion of the listener/listeners. Music created for movies is a good example of its use to manipulate emotions. .



Label: Alaska
Year of Release: 1977

So it's like this - John Schroeder's Alaska label spent most of the seventies releasing what could only be considered to be commercially viable (although often gimmicky) material.  Discs with the disco in mind were put out, as were populist ballads, and even football songs.  The public remained unmoved.

Perhaps this record should therefore be taken as proof that winning formulas come in unlikely packages, for this is the only single on the label to succeed in getting one of their artists on "Top of the Pops" - and lo and behold, it's a ballad to Mr Punch out of Punch and Judy sung by sultry ex-session singer-turned-housewife Joy Sarney.  Alaska went to the trouble of actually hiring a professional Punch and Judy man for the session, gave Joy a bunch of extremely peculiar lyrics about her love for the hooked-nose one ("He's been in trouble with the law for Grevious Bodily Harm... I'm his puppet, but he won't pull my strings") mashed the lot together with the kind of bouncy lightweight rhythm frequently reserved for Paul Nicholas singles, and watched as to their delight they enjoyed their only hit.  If you created a computer randomiser to pick up subject matter and style for a record, you'd probably come up with something which seemed less absurd.

It doesn't seem as if anyone else involved with the making of the single thought it would break through.  The then-rookie engineer (and these days well-paid producer) Chris Tsangardies has gone on record as saying "The bloody thing was atrocious... it will haunt me, but it was a break".  Reportedly, Joy herself is good humoured about the record, and is under no illusions about its status in the grand scheme of things.  On top of that, only recently the BBC included it in a list of clips of the worst "Top of the Pops" appearances of all time, largely by dint of the unusual nature of the record rather than as a comment on Joy's performance.

After "Naughty Naughty Naughty" peaked at number 26, it would seem that an attempt was made at pulling Joy back into the music industry full-time, as a follow up "Angling for A Kiss" was released later that year.  However, it failed to chart, and that seems to have been the end of that.  In the meantime, online conversations rage about whether Joy Sarney actually hails from Liverpool or Southend.  I spent my teenage years growing up in Southend, but on the basis of evidence I've been presented with, I'd say it's probably safe to conclude that she lived and worked in both places at one point or another.  Let's not fight about who can rightfully place her on their local walk of fame, eh readers?  We can share the credit.

Please don't ask me who the credited "Friends Of Joy" are on the B-side singing the cod-country track "Letters of Love", either.  I'm sure it was probably an afterthought on the part of everyone concerned.

Label: Alaska
Year of Release: 1977

So it's like this - John Schroeder's Alaska label spent most of the seventies releasing what could only be considered to be commercially viable (although often gimmicky) material.  Discs with the disco in mind were put out, as were populist ballads, and even football songs.  The public remained unmoved.

Perhaps this record should therefore be taken as proof that winning formulas come in unlikely packages, for this is the only single on the label to succeed in getting one of their artists on "Top of the Pops" - and lo and behold, it's a ballad to Mr Punch out of Punch and Judy sung by sultry ex-session singer-turned-housewife Joy Sarney.  Alaska went to the trouble of actually hiring a professional Punch and Judy man for the session, gave Joy a bunch of extremely peculiar lyrics about her love for the hooked-nose one ("He's been in trouble with the law for Grevious Bodily Harm... I'm his puppet, but he won't pull my strings") mashed the lot together with the kind of bouncy lightweight rhythm frequently reserved for Paul Nicholas singles, and watched as to their delight they enjoyed their only hit.  If you created a computer randomiser to pick up subject matter and style for a record, you'd probably come up with something which seemed less absurd.

It doesn't seem as if anyone else involved with the making of the single thought it would break through.  The then-rookie engineer (and these days well-paid producer) Chris Tsangardies has gone on record as saying "The bloody thing was atrocious... it will haunt me, but it was a break".  Reportedly, Joy herself is good humoured about the record, and is under no illusions about its status in the grand scheme of things.  On top of that, only recently the BBC included it in a list of clips of the worst "Top of the Pops" appearances of all time, largely by dint of the unusual nature of the record rather than as a comment on Joy's performance.

After "Naughty Naughty Naughty" peaked at number 26, it would seem that an attempt was made at pulling Joy back into the music industry full-time, as a follow up "Angling for A Kiss" was released later that year.  However, it failed to chart, and that seems to have been the end of that.  In the meantime, online conversations rage about whether Joy Sarney actually hails from Liverpool or Southend.  I spent my teenage years growing up in Southend, but on the basis of evidence I've been presented with, I'd say it's probably safe to conclude that she lived and worked in both places at one point or another.  Let's not fight about who can rightfully place her on their local walk of fame, eh readers?  We can share the credit.

Please don't ask me who the credited "Friends Of Joy" are on the B-side singing the cod-country track "Letters of Love", either.  I'm sure it was probably an afterthought on the part of everyone concerned.

Second Hand Record Dip Part 63 - Peter Sellers - Thank Heaven For Little Girls

novelty - Hola Music Lovers, Music іѕ а form оf art thаt involves organized аnd audible sounds аnd silence. It іѕ nоrmаllу expressed іn terms оf pitch (which includes melody аnd harmony), rhythm (which includes tempo аnd meter), аnd thе quality оf sound (which includes timbre, articulation, dynamics, аnd texture). Music mау аlѕо involve complex generative forms іn time thrоugh thе construction оf patterns аnd combinations оf natural stimuli, principally sound. Music mау bе uѕеd fоr artistic оr aesthetic, communicative, entertainment, оr ceremonial purposes. Thе definition оf whаt constitutes music varies ассоrdіng tо culture аnd social context.This Blog tell About novelty, Music is formulated or organized sound. Although it cannot contain emotions, it is sometimes designed to manipulate and transform the emotion of the listener/listeners. Music created for movies is a good example of its use to manipulate emotions. .



Who: Peter Sellers aka Chef Inspecteur Jacques Clouseau
What: Thank Heaven For Little Girls/ Singin' In The Rain
Label: United Artists
When: 1978
Where: Out on the Floor Records, Camden Town, London
Cost: Two Pounds



Peter Sellers was absolutely no stranger to the album and singles charts by 1978 - his reinterpretations of The Beatles "Hard Day's Night" and "She Loves You" sold incredibly well for comedy records, as did his oft-quoted novelty hit "Goodness Gracious Me".  Then there was a run of hits with The Goons, of course, which took in such strange top ten hits as the "Ying Tong Song" and "I'm Walking Backwards For Christmas".  Whereas most comedians and comic actors usually become one hit wonders (if they're lucky) when recording studio time beckons, Sellers was, in comparison, a bankable star.  No Lenny Henry was he. 


Recorded for the benefit of the "Revenge of the Pink Panther" motion picture, "Thank Heaven for Little Girls" was a rare misfire, and one which has since become quite collectible amongst Sellers fans.  It's not hard to see why the public ignored this one, as without the visual accompaniment of Inspecteur Jacques Clouseau's awkward body language and pratfalls, we're left with tunes which add (and comedically subtract) very little to or from the originals.  True, there's the blare of car horns at the end of the B-side "Singin' In The Rain" which hints towards Clouseau's idiotic awkwardness, and there are amusing vocal inflections to enjoy, but it's not particularly close to gold, feeling like a strange promotional exercise rather than a fully-fledged comedy record.  It's a peculiarity, and a much-forgotten novelty record which seems to have been wiped from Sellers' CV since.


The prices for this one vary bizarrely on the market.  I've seen collectors trying to sell it for anything between £6-£22 before now, but I managed to pick up this (admittedly not mint) example for a couple of shiny golden coins.  As somebody who isn't a collector of all things Sellers, it's safe to say I probably wouldn't have bothered to pay much more than that for it.  

Who: Peter Sellers aka Chef Inspecteur Jacques Clouseau
What: Thank Heaven For Little Girls/ Singin' In The Rain
Label: United Artists
When: 1978
Where: Out on the Floor Records, Camden Town, London
Cost: Two Pounds



Peter Sellers was absolutely no stranger to the album and singles charts by 1978 - his reinterpretations of The Beatles "Hard Day's Night" and "She Loves You" sold incredibly well for comedy records, as did his oft-quoted novelty hit "Goodness Gracious Me".  Then there was a run of hits with The Goons, of course, which took in such strange top ten hits as the "Ying Tong Song" and "I'm Walking Backwards For Christmas".  Whereas most comedians and comic actors usually become one hit wonders (if they're lucky) when recording studio time beckons, Sellers was, in comparison, a bankable star.  No Lenny Henry was he. 


Recorded for the benefit of the "Revenge of the Pink Panther" motion picture, "Thank Heaven for Little Girls" was a rare misfire, and one which has since become quite collectible amongst Sellers fans.  It's not hard to see why the public ignored this one, as without the visual accompaniment of Inspecteur Jacques Clouseau's awkward body language and pratfalls, we're left with tunes which add (and comedically subtract) very little to or from the originals.  True, there's the blare of car horns at the end of the B-side "Singin' In The Rain" which hints towards Clouseau's idiotic awkwardness, and there are amusing vocal inflections to enjoy, but it's not particularly close to gold, feeling like a strange promotional exercise rather than a fully-fledged comedy record.  It's a peculiarity, and a much-forgotten novelty record which seems to have been wiped from Sellers' CV since.


The prices for this one vary bizarrely on the market.  I've seen collectors trying to sell it for anything between £6-£22 before now, but I managed to pick up this (admittedly not mint) example for a couple of shiny golden coins.  As somebody who isn't a collector of all things Sellers, it's safe to say I probably wouldn't have bothered to pay much more than that for it.  

Kenny Everett's World's Worst Record Show

novelty - Hola Music Lovers, Music іѕ а form оf art thаt involves organized аnd audible sounds аnd silence. It іѕ nоrmаllу expressed іn terms оf pitch (which includes melody аnd harmony), rhythm (which includes tempo аnd meter), аnd thе quality оf sound (which includes timbre, articulation, dynamics, аnd texture). Music mау аlѕо involve complex generative forms іn time thrоugh thе construction оf patterns аnd combinations оf natural stimuli, principally sound. Music mау bе uѕеd fоr artistic оr aesthetic, communicative, entertainment, оr ceremonial purposes. Thе definition оf whаt constitutes music varies ассоrdіng tо culture аnd social context.This Blog tell About novelty, Music is formulated or organized sound. Although it cannot contain emotions, it is sometimes designed to manipulate and transform the emotion of the listener/listeners. Music created for movies is a good example of its use to manipulate emotions. .



Label: Yuk/ K-Tel
Year of Release: 1978

If Kenny Everett were still alive, I'd be delighted to find out - hope against hope, perhaps - that he was a reader of this blog.  Certainly, if he gave his nod of approval, it would be like being awarded a gold star from the master professor of the topic of record industry flotsam and jetsam.  The "World's Worst Wireless Show", originally broadcast on Capital Radio in London in 1977, was an incredibly popular piece of programming which filled the airwaves with nothing but flop madness from the history of recorded sound.  Well-meaning but ultimately obnoxiously awful Christian country songs featured, as did dirges, bad taste tragidiscs, out-of-tune singers, and people who thought they were being radical and breaking new ground but were actually making themselves look rather silly.

I used to have all the recorded shows on an old hard drive of mine (which sadly got wiped when the disc became damaged some years ago) and Kenny was as scathing as you'd expect about these records, but there was an unsuppressed glee in his tone of voice as well, and you could sense his sheer delight that this material even existed, almost a sense of pride that he worked within an industry so democratic that any bum-note wonder got a chance to have their say.  And of course, for as trivial as a topic like this is in the grand scheme of things, I'd like to think that some of these ridiculous and bold failings highlight the history of popular music just as effectively as the biggest smashes do.  Somewhere in all the mess of fumbling around you can hear the earliest attempts to allow members of the public to press their own discs, attempts to stun and shock with unacceptable content long before punk broke, and even soap stars trying to use their on-screen popularity to sell below-par records.

This compilation consists of the twenty least popular tracks Everett played (or actually nineteen - I've wiped "Surfin' Bird" by The Trashmen off because it's still very much commercially available, and I actually always thought it was a baffling inclusion anyway).  Listening to it in one shot is actually spectacularly ill-advised, as some of it is teeth-grittingly bad, and there are pieces of mind-numbing awfulness in there too.  For instance, whilst I have no respect whatsoever for Jess Conrad, I'd argue his work would be dull and average were it not for the pathetic lyrical content of his singles.  Despite the fact that he was largely lauded as a massive, up-and-coming British star in the early sixties - something it's easy to forget even if he's keen not to let us do so - in reality he was a sub-Cliff Richard figure, a man who made the Rock and Roll priest himself look positively dangerous.  Astonishingly, he has retained many fans over the years, but not enough to have kept him out of Everett's bottom twenty, where he appeared three times, more than any other artist.

Elsewhere, "Crossroads" actor Steve Bent contributes his own tune "I'm Going To Spain", which I must confess I have a sneaking affection for - The Fall later covered this track on the "The Infotainment Scan" album, which doesn't seem entirely inappropriate as some of the lines such as "The factory floor presented me with some tapes of Elton John" seem not un-Smithlike in the first place.  Bent apparently chanced his arm on "Opportunity Knocks" to showcase his singer-songwriter talent, but so far nobody has uploaded his attempts to YouTube (he didn't win, but you shouldn't need to ask).

Then, some of the religious offerings on this album such as "The Deal" by Pat Campbell would probably turn a man on his deathbed to Satanism, so syrupy, artless and weedy are they in their construction.  Whatever point they were trying to make was cursed by their feeble, sub-daytime soap opera efforts at storytelling (and that's before we even talk about the cliched, anaemic musical backing).

Better almost than all of these put together are the tracks "I Want My Baby Back" (already featured on this blog before) and "Transfusion", which are deliberately milking the bad taste cow for all its worth, hoping in their hearts that they'll be hated and banned.  Such records are actually more rock and roll in spirit than most of the coked-up acts of defiance that pass for that description - if Oasis had a spine, they'd have recorded a single about post-car crash necrophilia as well.

Bosses at the compilation giant K-Tel were apparently proud of their achievements in getting all this material licensed, and getting the end product to chart within the Top 40.  Whilst I find it cheering that a major label put so much effort into something like this, I actually suspect that many boardroom high-fives were exchanged about the fact that they could shovel any old crap into a sleeve and get people to buy it.  If only they'd paused to think about the fact that actually, this material was always waiting for an audience.  It was far too absurd to remain in the shadows forever, and in those pre-Internet years this would have been a fantastic package, a real discussion piece.  Actually, it still is - I defy you not to have an opinion on the contents of any track on the record, or even whether it deserves a place in the tracklisting or not.  The only shame is that nobody has tried to update the project in any commercially visible way since.

Tracklisting:
1. Jimmy Cross - I Want My Baby Back
2. Zarah Leander - Wunderbar
3. The Legendary Stardust Cowboy - Paralysed
4. Pat Campbell - The Deal
5. Nervous Norvus - Transfusion
6. Jess Conrad - This Pullover
7. Mel & Dave - Spinning Wheel
8. Dickie Lee - Laurie
9. Mrs Miller - A Lover's Concerto
10. Ferlin Husky - The Drunken Driver
11. Jess Conrad - Why Am I Living?
12. The Trashmen - Surfin' Bird (NOT INCLUDED IN THIS DOWNLOAD)
13. Steve Bent - I'm Going To Spain
14. Duncan Johnson - The Big Architect
15. Jess Conrad - Cherry Pie
16. Eamonn Andrews - The Shifting Whispering Sands
17. Tub Thumper - Kick Out The Jams
18. Adolph Babel - My Feet Start Tapping
19. Skip Jackson - The Greatest Star of All
20. Raphael - Going Out Of My Head

Download it Here

Label: Yuk/ K-Tel
Year of Release: 1978

If Kenny Everett were still alive, I'd be delighted to find out - hope against hope, perhaps - that he was a reader of this blog.  Certainly, if he gave his nod of approval, it would be like being awarded a gold star from the master professor of the topic of record industry flotsam and jetsam.  The "World's Worst Wireless Show", originally broadcast on Capital Radio in London in 1977, was an incredibly popular piece of programming which filled the airwaves with nothing but flop madness from the history of recorded sound.  Well-meaning but ultimately obnoxiously awful Christian country songs featured, as did dirges, bad taste tragidiscs, out-of-tune singers, and people who thought they were being radical and breaking new ground but were actually making themselves look rather silly.

I used to have all the recorded shows on an old hard drive of mine (which sadly got wiped when the disc became damaged some years ago) and Kenny was as scathing as you'd expect about these records, but there was an unsuppressed glee in his tone of voice as well, and you could sense his sheer delight that this material even existed, almost a sense of pride that he worked within an industry so democratic that any bum-note wonder got a chance to have their say.  And of course, for as trivial as a topic like this is in the grand scheme of things, I'd like to think that some of these ridiculous and bold failings highlight the history of popular music just as effectively as the biggest smashes do.  Somewhere in all the mess of fumbling around you can hear the earliest attempts to allow members of the public to press their own discs, attempts to stun and shock with unacceptable content long before punk broke, and even soap stars trying to use their on-screen popularity to sell below-par records.

This compilation consists of the twenty least popular tracks Everett played (or actually nineteen - I've wiped "Surfin' Bird" by The Trashmen off because it's still very much commercially available, and I actually always thought it was a baffling inclusion anyway).  Listening to it in one shot is actually spectacularly ill-advised, as some of it is teeth-grittingly bad, and there are pieces of mind-numbing awfulness in there too.  For instance, whilst I have no respect whatsoever for Jess Conrad, I'd argue his work would be dull and average were it not for the pathetic lyrical content of his singles.  Despite the fact that he was largely lauded as a massive, up-and-coming British star in the early sixties - something it's easy to forget even if he's keen not to let us do so - in reality he was a sub-Cliff Richard figure, a man who made the Rock and Roll priest himself look positively dangerous.  Astonishingly, he has retained many fans over the years, but not enough to have kept him out of Everett's bottom twenty, where he appeared three times, more than any other artist.

Elsewhere, "Crossroads" actor Steve Bent contributes his own tune "I'm Going To Spain", which I must confess I have a sneaking affection for - The Fall later covered this track on the "The Infotainment Scan" album, which doesn't seem entirely inappropriate as some of the lines such as "The factory floor presented me with some tapes of Elton John" seem not un-Smithlike in the first place.  Bent apparently chanced his arm on "Opportunity Knocks" to showcase his singer-songwriter talent, but so far nobody has uploaded his attempts to YouTube (he didn't win, but you shouldn't need to ask).

Then, some of the religious offerings on this album such as "The Deal" by Pat Campbell would probably turn a man on his deathbed to Satanism, so syrupy, artless and weedy are they in their construction.  Whatever point they were trying to make was cursed by their feeble, sub-daytime soap opera efforts at storytelling (and that's before we even talk about the cliched, anaemic musical backing).

Better almost than all of these put together are the tracks "I Want My Baby Back" (already featured on this blog before) and "Transfusion", which are deliberately milking the bad taste cow for all its worth, hoping in their hearts that they'll be hated and banned.  Such records are actually more rock and roll in spirit than most of the coked-up acts of defiance that pass for that description - if Oasis had a spine, they'd have recorded a single about post-car crash necrophilia as well.

Bosses at the compilation giant K-Tel were apparently proud of their achievements in getting all this material licensed, and getting the end product to chart within the Top 40.  Whilst I find it cheering that a major label put so much effort into something like this, I actually suspect that many boardroom high-fives were exchanged about the fact that they could shovel any old crap into a sleeve and get people to buy it.  If only they'd paused to think about the fact that actually, this material was always waiting for an audience.  It was far too absurd to remain in the shadows forever, and in those pre-Internet years this would have been a fantastic package, a real discussion piece.  Actually, it still is - I defy you not to have an opinion on the contents of any track on the record, or even whether it deserves a place in the tracklisting or not.  The only shame is that nobody has tried to update the project in any commercially visible way since.

Tracklisting:
1. Jimmy Cross - I Want My Baby Back
2. Zarah Leander - Wunderbar
3. The Legendary Stardust Cowboy - Paralysed
4. Pat Campbell - The Deal
5. Nervous Norvus - Transfusion
6. Jess Conrad - This Pullover
7. Mel & Dave - Spinning Wheel
8. Dickie Lee - Laurie
9. Mrs Miller - A Lover's Concerto
10. Ferlin Husky - The Drunken Driver
11. Jess Conrad - Why Am I Living?
12. The Trashmen - Surfin' Bird (NOT INCLUDED IN THIS DOWNLOAD)
13. Steve Bent - I'm Going To Spain
14. Duncan Johnson - The Big Architect
15. Jess Conrad - Cherry Pie
16. Eamonn Andrews - The Shifting Whispering Sands
17. Tub Thumper - Kick Out The Jams
18. Adolph Babel - My Feet Start Tapping
19. Skip Jackson - The Greatest Star of All
20. Raphael - Going Out Of My Head

Download it Here